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I need help and fast.  I believe my boss has a substance abuse problem.  I have worked for him for three years and we've always had a good working relationship.  About a year ago his marriage of twenty years broke up and I have watched him deteriorate from someone who valued me to someone who abuses me regularly.



I have been the victim of public screaming directed at me,  inappropriate comments and serious verbal abuse at a level that both frightens and angers me. He has really huge mood swings and he often looks, at least to me, like he is "on something".  His memory is shot and for nearly a year I have been covering for him, at first because I thought he was upset over his divorce and then it became a habit and he simply quit working and I've been doing most of it.



To make things worse, I am a single parent and do not feel that I can just up and leave my job, but I am looking at what's available however it's a slow process.



And it gets worse.  Recently when reconcilling some company expense account statements I found a cash advance from one of our corporate charge cards on it.  It wasn't a huge amount of money but it is strictly against policy. When I questioned him about how to represent this on his report he told me to "just put it through."



Because I have worked for this company for awhile and our department has always run like a swiss watch, I expected to hear from accounting on this expenditure sparing me the need to say anything.  Big Mistake. A week or so after I submitted the report, his check arrived with the cash advance reimbursed like a regular expense. So, in short, he took a cash advance on a corporate credit card, didn't account for it and then was reimbursed for it.



I called a friend in accounting and asked her if things were okay with my latest reports, using the excuse that I had been busy and wanted to make sure I had supplied all the necessary information and was dismayed when she replied that they seldom checked my reports because they had been 100% accurate for years.



My boss has begun to call in late, or not come in at all and bill collectors are calling our office looking for him on a pretty frantic basis.  There are invoices and expensive products (computers) missing that I can not account for and things are going to hell pretty fast for me.



I'm really worried that I'll be blamed for my boss's misuse of company funds and to make things even worse, he did the same thing again with the charge card only this time for TRIPLE the amount from before.  I Can only sit on this report another day or so as he must really need the money because he has asked me three times if I have submitted the report and I have lied and said yes. I dont know why I lied to him, I just didn't want him screaming at me again I guess.



Please someone help me figure out what to do, there isn't really anyone outside my department I can go to without the boss knowing about it, he's related to half the staff here and they seem to be turning the blind eye to what's happening.



I'm sick to my stomach every day, and just yesterday some lady called and wanted help with her computer and asked for my boss by first name. (In three years wehave never gotten a call like that, it's not our job to provide technical support it never has been!) He wasn't in so I took her name and number and then checked the customer database and can't find this woman listed anywhere. (I think she's one of the recipients of the missing computers).



I just don't know what to do, but I am really afraid that when all this comes out he'll take me down with him or that I will look like some kind of accomplice because who is to say who really took a bunch of computers and equipment?



Please help.



Jessie

Dear Jessie,



First no matter where you are when you read this, stop, take a deep breath hold it for ten seconds and then let it out slowly.  In all my years I don't think I have ever picked up such  feelings of panic from a single communication.  You MUST gather your wits about you and make rational choices about what to do next. the other admins will be logging on on Monday morning, not many frequent the forums on the weekend, so take heart, we ARE out here and we DO hear you.



First, I want to know who signs the expense reports? Does he or do you? That will give us some idea of whether or not you can be blamed for any misuse of funds. So respond here in the forum or Via my private Email, Andrea@administrative-assistants.com and answer that question for me.



Second, missing equipment.  While you have no proof that it's your boss who has misappropriated expensive equipment, based on what you know, and the suspicious incident with the mystery customer you may well be right. What can you do about that? Can you change what has possibly occured? No. You can't.  What you CAN do is make sure every bit of paper trail that YOU are responsible for is properly completed and accounted for. (and I don't mean the paperwork you have been doing for the boss, I mean ONLY The paperwork that YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION says you must do.)



Third, the report that you are "sitting on". I have never advocated that an Admin out and out lie to her boss, even one as abusive as yours. If he needs the money that badly he WILL go over your head when it's time for the check to be at his desk and he WILL find out that you lied and you WILL be in a really bad place if that happens. IF you are the signer on these reports, submit them unsigned.  If he signs them, submit them. But do it first thing Monday morning.



Forth, Support.  There has GOT to be someone within your organization that you can go to.  Someone in a supervisory position, and preferably someone who likes your work and you personally.  Identify that person. It doesnt matter if it's someone in your department or not, what is important is that it's someone at a management level equal to or higher than your own. Is there an admin supervisor? an Office Manager? Think, there has to be someone. find them and lay this horror story out so that you have documentation. And speaking of documentation, sit yourself down TODAY And write down everything you know, don't editorialize, don't offer any conjecture, just the fact.  It's VERY possible that some type of crimnal investiagtion will eventually come into play, and you want YOUR ducks in a row as to when you first began to suspect there were "issues" and what actions you took.  Don;t keep your documentation at the office.  Keep a small notebook on your person and add to it during the day, but leave nothing, and I DO MEAN nothing in a file or on your computer.



Fifth-Confrontation.  You have no choice but to express your issues to your boss, but in your case, I'd suggest doing it with the door open and during a time when there are lots of other people around. Try to be non accusatory.  "Dave, have you seen invoice # so and so? I cant seem to find it anywhere and now that Im checking, there are holes in my inventory. Can you help me figure this out?" This will put him on notice that you're on to him, but still gives him deniablity, which for him, will be a safe place.



At this point I dont think it prudent to talk about the expense report issues, not until I have a better idea how the reports are routed and who is responsible for them.



After your mention of your inventory issues, It's my opinion that one of three things will happen.



1.  He will freak out on you.  Which is why I suggest leaving the door open for your own safety and for the benefit of listening ears that are around. If this individual IS to use your quote "ON something" you can not be too careful.  Your post indicates that you are frightened of this individual and you should go with your gut instincts in a case like this. And this is a worst case scenario.  It is far more likely that he will



2.  Blow off your questions with a lame excuse, an offer to check into it later,



 OR 3.  he will display a sincere puzzlement, (there is the very slight chance that you are wrong and his behavior and the expense report issues have led you to a wrong conclusion.)



Whatever happens,  maintain a safe physical distance.  If he begins to scream, turn and leave the office. Do not stop, do not pass go.  Go straight to HR and explain that you raised an issue with your boss and he abused you. And even If he reacts calmly be prepared, your days in his office are numbered Jessie, you know far FAR too much to be permitted to stay within the organization.



Begin immediately to get that resume out aggressively.  If you need to take sick time or vacation time to do interviews do it and start Monday by calling every temp agency in your town. do not offer your boss an explanation just request the time through normal channels and DO IT.



Enabling- Admins, more than any other group are subject to the enabling behavior often seen in a wife or girlfriend of an alcoholic/substance abuser. Sometimes we over compensate in our need to be indispensable. For a year you have been covering for this man, and like an alcoholic whose family plans an intervention he will not take your withdrawl from that role lightly.  But withdraw you must.  Stop covering for him, do no work that is not strictly supposed to be from your desk.  This will be difficult for you.   But further enabling will not help the situation and will not stave off the rock bottom that this situation is plummeting towards.



Now, take some deep breaths and listen to the lecture part of my post.   NO admin, hell no human being should EVER  ever be afraid in the workplace this is NOT normal behavior this is NOT A normal situation and YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR EMPLOYER'S ANTICS.



You are worthy, as a professional.  100% accurate expense reports for YEARS?! I Couldnt make that claim on my BEST day.  Covering for the boss SO WELL that no one has realized that hes not doing his job? FOR A YEAR?! What does that tell you?! That YOU are damn good at your job.



Your ONLY mistake in this situation was covering for someone who had his own agenda for getting you to do it and that is forgivable, and will be a learning experience for you once you manage to separate yourself from the emotionalism of this situation.



IF you feel threatened in any manner whatso ever by this individual, remove yourself from the premises AFTER Going by HR, or a supervisors office to explain your disappearnce.  Leaving the building without TELLING someone what has occured can be considered job abandonment.



From what you've posted I doubt there is any way you can save this job.  Consider the worst case scenarios and begin to develop mental "plans" for them. "Okay if I get fired, Im gonna do THIS" Or "if he doesnt freak out on me Im gonna do THIS" having a plan will help you feel more centered and confident.



And Jessie, get back to me on the expense reports I'll be around all weekend, but out for about the next six hours or so.



Hang in there, you CAN deal with this situation and we're here Admins,,, Im speechless here, and hoping you all can offer some additional advice?!

Andrea has outlined a very good course of action for you.  I hope you use the information and begin the process of protecting yourself.



You are not the protector of this man.  You must think of your own well-being and career.  This guy is going to be gone eventually, and you must concentrate on getting yourself out of the situation with your self-respect and reputation intact.  



I used to work with someone who was a substance abuser, and this person was my supervisor.  When I was promoted to another position and no longer reported to her, I was so relieved that I would no longer have to live with hazy, incomplete information and memory lapses from this person.  I watched her walk right into a door from our boss' office, and, thank goodness, he saw it, too.  She was discharged after some issues about duplicate expenses (charged against expense reports and petty cash, both for the same receipt) and constant absenteeism.  



As a result of this person's activities, for a year or so after she was asked to leave, our main office did not trust any expense reports from anyone and questioned every little thing.  The charge cards we had for office supply companies were all withdrawn, and people were constantly being questioned about who was at work and who wasn't.  It was a mess, and many good people were made to feel as if they had done something wrong, when, in fact, it was just the one person - - the substance abuser.



As a survivor of the aftermath of the problems caused by such a person, I can relate to your panic.  You must do everything you can to protect yourself, and you must do it right away.



Good luck, and I'll be looking for your next post.  



Robbie

I am sorry I can't offer anymore advice than what Andrea had to offer above.  You need to get your documentation in order, I agree.  I think I would go straight to HR, myself, but I'm not in your situation.  If you feel you are in any sort of danger, I would recommend seeking out someone in authority in the company who has a good reputation for helping others.  I hope you know who that is.  You have been loyal long enough; it is time to save your own ship.  You appear to recognize this.  If your boss truly has the problems it appears he does, there is really nothing anybody can do for him at this point.  It is a sad situation, but you need to pull away.  He will either totally self-destruct, or he will have a life-altering moment and pull himself back.  Either way, at this point, it is going to be a long process, and there isn't anything you can do because he has started weaving you into his madness.  Fortunately, you woke up before the spider completely enclosed you in the web.  Fight to get out, in tact.  If it is possible for you to get transferred or not to work for awhile while you find a new job, I think I might consider that.  I don't know how much support you have, though.  I also don't even know how one would interview after going through something like this, so I'm bowing out right now.  Monday a.m. will find the troops rushing to your aid here.  Hang in there.

Good luck.  



Follow the advice listed above.  It is sound, and based on experience.  Obviously you know you can trust the voices of wisdom on these boards, else you would not have posted.



Please, keep us abreast of what happens, and if you need further support, we are always here.



In the meantime, try to enjoy your weekend.



 winkiebear

JD,



You have already heard the best advise possibly given.  My prayers and heart goes out to you and I'm sending positive vibes your way.   The ONLY thing I could possibly add to the excellent advise already given, is do something very special for yourself this weekend.  Take time out Sunday, (hopefully, you'll read this in time) to take deep breaths, and relax and get your mind off the situation period.  



Keep us posted, we care!



Dawn  

Hi, Dawn :)



I feel for you -- you're in a difficult spot. You've gotten some great support and advice, and I suspect in your heart, you know you have to take some sort of action.



I just want to mention one thing that may make you feel more safe.



It is an employer's legal responsibility to have a formal complaint procedure. And it is illegal for an employee to be harrassed, demoted, or dismissed, as a result of making a complaint through those procedures. It is also illegal for the employer, once a complaint has been filed, to not conduct an impartial and thorough investigation of the complaint.



If there is a formal complaint procedure, lodge a complaint. The minute you do, you are putting yourself in a safer place than you are currently.



If there is no formal complaint procedure, I would suggest you still lodge a complaint, so there's something on record.

You would have legal recourse if nothing were done about your situation, as well as legal recourse if the company did something to you as a result of your complaint.



I'm all for your getting out of there as soon as you can; it's a toxic environment for you, and you deserve far better. If you can get another job, take it and just move on, putting this behind you. Until you can get another job, see what you can do to emotionally disconnect from what he's doing. If you can't change him, change how you respond to him and what he does. You might even consider formally letting him know that you believe he's out of integrity, and that you won't cover for him anymore.  I believe that putting a person on notice does a couple of things, 1) it allows him to no longer be able to convince himself that things are "ok," and 2) it's empowering for you.



As Andrea suggested, the company could fire you.  If they do, go immediately to your local EEOC office (www.eeoc.gov will help you find an office near you), with your detailed chronology of events (having that, btw, is *so* smart. No matter how much we think we'll remember, we never remember things accurately; time has a way of changing things). Let them look at things, first -- chances are they'll take your case at no cost to you, and if they find that your company violated your legal rights, you could be the recipient of a nice cash settlement (a VA in the AssistU community was just offered close to 100K in a settlement offer by her ex-boss in a case similar to this one. She turned it down, and they now will go to trial over the matter), which won't make up for what you've experienced, but will teach the company a big lesson and may go a long way toward helping you feel more empowered, rather than feeling like a victim of the corporate system.



And keep checking back here for more support. I can't imagine there's a single admin here who wouldn't be willing to support you through this difficult time.



Warmly,

Stacy

---

Stacy Brice, CMVA

President, CVO

AssistU -=- www.assistu.com

Admin Professionals Coach, and Trainer of the Finest VAs!

 

Jessie,

I am sorry that this unfortunate situation has brought you from lurking to posting.  Although there isn't much to add, I did want you to know that I have you in my thoughts as you deal with this difficult situation. The advice and suggestions that have been provided should be read and reviewed seriously.  Ultimately, you will need to decide what you are comfortable in doing about this situation.



I have no idea what I would do in your circumstance.  Thinking about it for a minute, I believe that I would do one of two things:  either go to HR or I would go to someone else who is close to the abuser.  It would be someone I know to be more than a co-worker.



You are in a situation that all admins hope never to be in.  It is difficult to give advice about something that has never happened to me.  But you have information from others with experience.  Weigh that information, rely on your morals and ethics and you will come up with the solution that is right for you.



Thanks for coming forward on TAA -- it only means that you have respect for the posters and their past advice and suggestions.  Please let us know the outcome of the situation.



sungoddess

I  thought there were laws in the States to prevent this sort of behavior by an employer?

There are laws, but if the behavior isn't reported, since she's scared, it goes unpunished.  Criminals still commit crimes, even though there are laws, yes?  Unfortunately, I can't give you any more advice than Andrea and the others. We all have our hydras and yours is partcularly nasty. Having you put through an expense report that was not honest is a crime in most states, by the way. Please indicate that in your records. Usually, in most states, if the signor knows fully well that there is false information on a document, it makes the document null and void. Hopefully your state has these laws. If you're looking for advice on the legality of your case, usually law schools have interned students who are there for public assistance, free of charge. Even if it's something as simple as helping you look up case law to photocopy, they might help you.



I send you positive energy, blessings and love, hoping that you come out of this unscathed. You're a brave person for lasting this long and you are stronger than you think.  Keep us up to speed.

Jessie-



Oh, the turmoil you're going through right now!  I've been in situations where I felt the same, but never had I had to watch someone I once respected and admired fall apart.  And worse yet, feel like because of the judgement impairments, being dragged under too!   But the truth of the matter is, he is responsible for his actions, not you.  So as Stacy and Andrea pointed out, be sure to let him know that you cannot cover for his behavior any longer.  I know you're afraid and concerned for many valid reasons, but follow their advice.  Keep yourself covered, and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible.



I will keep thinking good thoughts for you...I only wish I could tell you the best, exact course to follow.  We will all be here for you, though.  Keep us apprised on what happens.



Daisylee

I can't add any more advice.  I would strongly suggest you take to heart the advice that has been given and look into reporting his behavior to someone at the company.  Chances are someone else has noticed his behavior (if he's forgetting things, he's probably doing it in more than the area you cover for him on) and they might be wondering what's happening.  If you bring this to the forefront, then maybe he can get the help he needs and it will get you out from under it.  Go to a supervisor in another department, someone in HR, someone, and tell them the entire story.  Tell them that you've covered first because you thought it was temporary and then later just to keep the job going.  Then tell them about the expense reports - both of them.  Document, document, document...



I'll watch for more postings from you and pray that you are able to move out of this situation.

Jesse,



I just read your post and my heart is pounding like a drum.  This is an assistant's worst nightmare!  Take Andrea's advice; she is a wonderful, experienced and level-headed woman.  Protect yourself first and foremost.  You don't deserve to be abused, screamed at and manipulated.



I haven't even read all the responses yet, but I want you to know that you have many friends here.  We're all on your side and praying for you.



Let us know what happens.



Elaine

Andrea and the others have given you some good advice. I can't really add anything but wanted to send you positive energy since I know this has been very difficult and trying for you.  Your boss needs PROFESSIONAL help but only he can take that step.  Hopefully he'll get his wakeup call soon. In the meantime hang in there, take care of you and let us know what happens.  

I too, echo the positive vibes sent your way.  What you have had to endure is at best horrible and I wish only the best for you today and in the future.



Laura

I've just read your post, as well as Andrea and Robbie's replies, and I think they've covered everything I could think of...  just wanted to send a note to let you know one more of us is thinking of you!



Good luck, and please keep safe and keep in touch!!!

 

I am so sorry to hear about this.  Where I work we do have available a 24-hour confidential number to call a service that will help you and it really works.  Or I would go to HR right away but make sure you don't make yourself sick over a boss.  Your job is not worth getting sick over.  Also, I would make sure I keep documentation on all that happened.

Good Luck.

I agree with everyone's input. I would run to someone in the HR department.  They should be able to help.



My company also has a 24 hr "hotline" to report any problems, etc.



To offer input regarding the expense report issue.  I process the reports for my company, we have a department of internal auditors who audit the reports usually every two to three years.  Usually when a personnel problem like you described comes up, one of the first things our company does is begin to review all documents associated with the employee (timesheets/expense reports/credit card statements).  So depending on your company those steps may be taken at some point.  First and foremost I would protect myself, hopefully you can discuss this issue with HR, especially if you are putting your signature on the expense reports!  There is also the possibility of an IRS audit regarding expense reports.  Although I have been processing reports for over 7 years, we have never been audited, but it is a possibility so it's best to keep everything up to IRS regulations.



My thoughts are with you, good luck and keep us posted on your situation.

Jessie - you have received excellent advice from previous posters - I hope it helps you.  Please keep us posted!



north carolina

Oh, Jessie, my heart goes out to you.  Please, please, please follow the advice Andrea offered.  She is right on target.  I know it won't be easy, but you have to take control of the parts of the situation that aren't controlled by your boss.  Your own salvation depends on it.



I'd like to add one more possible course of action for you.  After reading your post again, I think it's entirely possible that management has decided to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to what your boss is doing (for whatever reason)and nothing you say will change that.  You can, however, file a formal complaint with your local EEOC and include details that you can substantiate with paperwork, etc. Don't make any "off the cuff" emotional statements -- stick to the facts.  But document everything.  Your professional life depends on it.  Once that's done, you need to be prepared to seek employment elsewhere.  Your own emotional and mental welfare are at stake here.  How long can you go on living and working in fear before your start to transmit that fear to your child.  Please, take care of yourself and your child.  With a track record like yours, finding another position will happen.  Have faith in yourself and your abilities.



Please keep us posted on this situation.  We care.



Hugs to you.



Energizer