PA and Secretary Community - Deskdemon.com

Over the years, I guess we all encounter that charming colleague who just happens to bug us, and we develop strategies to cope with them.  

Sometimes, though, the strategies aren't enough.  I have such an individual in mind.

I'm EA to a CEO, have many years experience under my belt, have a small staff of my own to manage and a substantial budget.  That's a reasonably senior post, and I didn't achieve it by being incompetent and without knowing a thing or two.  

So how do I deal with a person who provides an opinion about every single little thing - almost on the basis of "one-upmanship".  It's irritating and stupid, but then stupid things (and stupid people) do irritate!  And unfortunately, sometimes one has to deal with these people.

Thank you for allowing me to vent a little.

Rain,

Do you mind sharing a few examples?  I'm interested to hear the comments, as I think lately a lot of us have had to deal with this.  I have been known on occasions to reply with one-liners myself in order to shut them up!

We all have them.. You see them coming and want to go the other way or shut your door.  I want to give them "the look", over the top of my glasses, but I always try to show customer vision and respond politely.

Ahemmm... well I don't like to admit this, but the truth of the matter is... I am probably one of those people...

So, I'll give my perspective.

We just like to debate. Sometimes it is oneupmanship. Other times it is just because we are so excited about whatever we are involved in.

On the other hand, our skins are usually thick enough that you can spell it out straight to us. "I'm sure you don't mean to try to one up me, but sometimes it comes across that way." (when it is happening).

Good luck. Chin up. Mostly I would say just ignore us. :)

Marie

In reply to Marie's post I usually keep schtum in certain situations.  

At lunch today a particular incident/topic was discussed and I kept out of it.  Not that I didn't have an opinion, but I lunched with the person who was being discussed earlier in the week and what was said to me was said in confidence.  Therefore I was not about to get into conversation about that person.  I am sure it was noticed, because I literally said nothing.

Colleagues who have opinions don't bother me - we are all entitled to our say.  However, it's the ones who constantly think they are right and everyone else is wrong that annoys me.  Surely we are adults enough and can agree to disagree?

Usually a statement like, well that's only your opinion, is good enough.

My irritation is not about "debates" - those are easy - but just the day-to-day interaction with a particular person.  Let's call her Jane (with apologies to all the "Janes" out there).

For example, behaviour at meetings, discussions about procedure on projects, interpretation of standards, even something as minor as how to get the photocopier going when it has jammed.  

At a meeting for instance, whether it is a staff meeting or a high-level committee meeting, Jane might occasionally be there in some capacity along with me.  A problem is discussed and I give my opinion.  Usually even before I have got half a sentence out, Jane will say "No ..." and give her two cents worth - even though she is generally incorrect or her judgement is skewed, or she doesn't have all the facts in order to give an opinion.  "No" is her established, and first, response to every remark that I make, and often to any remark that other people make too so it isn't necessarily personal.  

I don't have a problem with people disagreeing with me, nor with legitimate debates.  The trouble is, I suppose, that Jane speaks before having listened to the speaker and without considering her response.  I have spoken to her a couple of times about this behaviour, calmly and tactfully.   She is never able to apologize nor to correct her behaviour.  It really is beginning to be major irritating and it's difficult to change the behaviour of someone who is well over 40 years of age.  A member of staff who is more senior than me mentioned her behaviour to me just this morning.  

If this behaviour were just occasional, then I could shrug it off because people are people.  I don't choose my colleagues any more than they chose me; we were all appointed to do a certain job and we have to get along.  However, this behaviour is constant, every day and on every possible occasion.  It's wearying and boring.

I've come to the conclusion that if the word "no" were to be removed from the English language, then Jane would be speechless!

Does she but in Rain or is she always just within earshot?

If she attends meetings and is therefore in presence of others to give her opinion I am not sure you can do anything but ignore her answer if it's not the correct resolution.

As for anything else, I would try and avoid asking her opinion if possible.  I know it's not easy, but if you begin to ignore her, perhaps she will realise her opinions are not warranted.  I am not talking about bullying here or exclusion, just a tactful approach to change how you and others address certain situations.

I have to say it would be on the tip of my tongue to say, "ooh you seem to have an opinion/answer for everything".

If a colleague was doing that in company here, they would be very much ignored and would feel the icy draft, believe me.

I have worked at a place that was so negative, a manager instituted a "no-no" policy during meetings.  No one was allowed to say "no", or any variation of the word.  Any response had to have a positive spin.  Even if the speaker disagreed with the suggestion, he/she had to phrase their disagreement using all positive words.  For a while, nothing much got done at meetings, but after a few months things really started to turn around (not just due to this rule, but in conjunction with other changes being made).

Just a thought....if the higher-ups have concerns, they may want to consider the no-no policy!

...or even consider whether she is really needed at the meetings in the first place as she sounds like she is deliberately trying to sabotage the meeting(s).

You said you have coached her that this behavior is unacceptable (sorry a little to much Nanny 911) but have you reinforced the rule?  If you continue to let her continue....  If this is someone who reports to me I would let it happen one more time and then write her up.  It may take a written warning for Jane to realize that her opinions are not always warranted. (But this may squash any good ideas you may get out of her also so tread lightly?)