PA and Secretary Community - Deskdemon.com

Thanks DD for the article and survey regarding bullying in the work place.  I have to say I found this an interesting read and I hope you keep this on the website for future reference.

This is one of those issues that exists yet it's not easily addressed, spoken about, dealt with or indeed proven.

I look forward to the survey results next month.

A friend of mine at work has just been suffering the same thing.  She wasn't in yesterday or today, and I have a feeling she has quit.  I'm going to try calling her at home in a day or so to see what happened.  As I read the article, it sounded exactly like her situation.  The bully was a co-worker who roped the supervisor into participating.

This woman is not good at standing up for herself (even she has said so), and they just steamrolled right over her.  If indeed she has quit, this place has lost a good and dedicated worker, while the two bullies go merrily on their way.

And let me guess, it's usually the bullies that think they can do no wrong and it's never them.  I can relate to that very well.

Diamondlady
Peer Moderator

You would think that management would have some sort of clue, since this is the second employee in about 1 1/2 years that has been pushed out the door.

And none of that started until this one employee was brought on board - sigh...

Why is upper level management so willing to believe everything the supervisor says?  Why do they not dig deeper to find out the real root cause?  Especially since this is the second employee to have problems in this department in such a short period of time.  

Sometimes it seems like the bullies always win.

For me, the most disturbing thing about bullies is how they are master manipulators, managing to convince anyone in authority over them that the problem is ALWAYS someone else.

They are able to use the "rules" of proper workplace behavior and basic decency to their advantage.  To a bully:  

Transparency/Honesty = person from whom I can get "dirt" to use later

Strong Work Ethic = person who I can dump my work on because they'll do what it takes to get a job done

Team Player = person to get involved so I can point fingers at him/her later

Well Mannered = person who won't cause a scene when I pull something

Ever notice these types avoid other bullies like the plague?

Did your first line is so right but the one thing I would add is...

To a bully: "what goes round comes round and one day you will pick on the wrong person who will stick up for themselves and expose you for what you really are".

Spitfire the reason why the bullies are not dealt with is that they are usually favourites amongst senior management and are deemed vital members of staff.  The people who accept bullies in the workplace are in fact bullies themselves.

Gee you hit the nail on the head with that last statement.

Diamondlady
Peer Moderator

I was bullied about 10 years ago.  In my case, the "bullies" perceived me as a threat since they were younger and I did have a well rounded knowledge of the department and they did not.  Rather than working with me to learn, they decided pretty much to gang up.  Fortunately, I got a supervisor who could see through it. I was well respected throughout the company and even by our VP, so rather than put up with the nonsense, I decided it was time to see how the rest of the company operated and was offered a great position in another area.  However, I had worked a long time with honesty, integrity and had established rapport with everyone from the mail services personnel to the President of the company.  That was 10 years ago, and I am glad I made the move.  I enjoyed the new position for 7 years, and eventually was asked to assume the role I have now as EA to our VP.  Those that had carried on in such a manner have moved on.  Not all favorably I might add.  It is hard to endure that type of hostile work environment.  However, you are in control even if it does not seem that way at the time.  You control your destiny.  You make the decision to learn from an experience and move on.  You also shape your reputation by your actions and how you handle situations every day.  To fold and quit is sometimes the only answer.  However, take with you what you have learned, how not to be, and handle the situation with grace and integrity.  Those in the wrong always suffer the consequences in the end with a bad reputation.

I did not see the article, but I will look for it and read it today.

I have not only seen others bullied in the past, but have been a victim.  I finally stood up for myself last year with a guy who stepped over the line.

All these complaints about my work had been accumulating over the years from this guy.  We just did not click at all, even though everyone else seemed to enjoy working with me.  I would hear from other coordinators how difficult this guy was to handle in meetings, also.  

Anyway, this one time he comes over to my desk in a rage over how the wrong credit card had been charged for his airline ticket, and he'd missed the billing cycle for payment.  He just exploded at me, saying, "This is all screwed up.  Why did you charge this card?"  I told him he was in charge of the personal profile set up, and if the wrong card was set as default, that he had to change it himself.  This made him even madder, and we went back and forth for a while.  Once he left my desk, I walked into my boss's office and said I had had enough of this guy.  Turn his travel arrangements over to someone else and do it now.    

The next day his travel was moved to a long-time friend of his who is a coordinator for another department.  Nobody can figure out what these two have in common, but their friendship has lasted for years and years.  Good for them and good for me.  I still have to work with the guy on other projects, but we manage to stay out of each other's way and get the work done.

Another boss had bullied others on a daily basis.  He was so cruel to people!  Eventually he moved to another facility.  I often wonder how they like him over there, since our department went through so many good people on account of him.
3 or 4 were fired, and others quit.  He never treated me that way, so I stuck with him for 4 years.  But when he was cruel to people, I would just cringe inside.  I should have reported him to upper management, but he was friends with a VP, so I figured I would get nowhere.

Movinonup

Well, my friend didn't quit - at least not yet.  The days she was gone that I thought she had quit, she was actually home with a stress-related illness.

However, she has basically written this place off.  I think she is done fighting - she just goes along with whatever they tell her to do.  And she is actively looking for another job.

I hate to see her go, but I sincerely hope she finds a job where she can have success and growth and ends up in a better position than the people here who bullied her!

Did the survey results ever get posted?  I haven't yet seen them.

Gee, I'm glad you brought this back up to the top.

My friend has not yet quit.  She was out for two weeks and is now on one month of part-time work on drs. orders.  She also has an attorney working for her.  I'm not sure exactly what has happened on that end, but she said things seem to be better for the moment.  I can only hope that the legal threat has made the supervisor realize what is happening and change things.  I don't really hold out much hope for that, but it is always possible.

She is still looking for other work, but hasn't been successful so far - it's a tough time to be looking for employment.

Thanks for the update Spitfire.

Seems a shame to hear of such a situation.   However as you say maybe the legal threat will make the supervisor take note.

I never went down that route but I would have if things had got worse.  It's awful to feel you have to look for alternative work because of others.

Did the survey results ever get posted? I still haven't seem them yet and believe they were to be posted in November.

Please provide an update DD.

My friend got a new job!  I am so sorry to see her go and will miss her terribly.  But she got a new job with similar benefits and very close in salary.  In addition, the new position apparently has a lot of opportunity to change and grow.  In fact, according to her interview, they encourage that, something this place never does.

She was making some progress in fighting back.  But I'm really glad this opportunity presented itself, even though it means that the people who did this were never truly brought down.

Susan,

Never saw any results for this survey.  Can you provide an update?

Susan,

Can you direct me to the survey results???

Never saw the results DD.  Was this survey ever completed?

Hi Gee,

How are you?  Guess you asked asked about 10 times since 2008 about the results of the survey.  I would be interested in the results too.  No response from DD whatsoever.  Makes you wonder.

I sometimes wonder if these things are for real given the statistics that are provided to entice you to complete the survey in the first place.

I'm good by the way.  You?

I am doing fine Gee.

When you first come to the DD home page, there is an artilce with 5 points to handle a drama queen.  The tips point more or less to give into their demands, walk on eggshells and stay out of they radar screen.  Why do I have to do that?  We are all a team and there is no I in team.  To me, drama queens are another form of bullying.  Why are they put up with? Why do I have to acquise to them?  I was so worked up over it, I posted  response a response there.  I feel better now.

The way to deal with a drama queen, pretend you've gone deaf, dumb and blind!

Chikky,

I can't see that article, can you post the link here?

Here is the article she is speaking about

http://us.deskdemon.com/dnet/userpage.php?page_id=489 (http://us.deskdemon.com/dnet/userpage.php?page_id=489)

On the survey, this was something I wasn't part of.  I don't remember it at all.   I did do a search and found this:

http://www.deskdemon.com/pages/uk/workplace-bullying-survey (http://www.deskdemon.com/pages/uk/workplace-bullying-survey)  

We must have the results.   I will ask about it and see if I can find out what the results actually were.

Thank you Susan.

If you read back to beginning of this post, it is something myself and others have an interest in.

For those interested, this article seems to be on the US pages, not UK.  Don't we all get the same articles??

The home pages don't always highlight the same articles, but they all should be in the Features tab for everyone to view.  The url says us.deskdemon... because that is how it defaults for me living in the US.  If you want the UK ads/header/sidebars  just replace the us  with www  (actually that goes the reverse as well, if someone is getting UK information in the US, you can replace the www.deskdemon (http://www.deskdemon) with us.deskdemon.com/restofurl)

Susan,

I didn't know there was a Features tab, it's not that obvious.

For those interested, from the Home page click Networking and Community, then below you should see a Features tab to the far right.

There are a list of articles, the Diva one is on the second page.