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How to Listen Effectively
The ability to listen and understand is one of the most important attributes you can have. In many ways listening is the most crucial of all the communication skills, yet it is probably the most neglected.

Listening should not be confused with hearing. Hearing is merely a physical experience, whereas listening is a complicated process of absorbing, judging and acting upon what you hear. Proficiency in listening requires effort and practice. Like all communications skills it must be learned. This is partly a matter of breaking some bad habits and partly a matter of forming some new ones.

Guidelines for Effective Listening
  • Use empathy in communication: The key to effective listening is empathy – the ability to see an idea or concept from another's point of view. Empathy is understanding and doesn't necessarily involve agreement. Try to have enough confidence in your own beliefs and attitudes so that you can relax any defensiveness and try to understand new information, even if it is conflicts with what you believe.
  • Recognise your prejudices: Prejudice is a major barrier to good listening. Ideally, your listening should be totally free of prejudice. Since this is practically impossible, the best thing is to recognise your prejudices and make a conscious effort to discount them.
  • Keep an open mind and beware of “trigger” words: Effective listeners try to identify and to rationalise words or phrases that upset them emotionally and impair their ability to perceive and understand. Often the emotional impact of such words can be decreased through a free and open discussion of them with friends or associates.
  • Find an area of interest: Effective listening is much easier if you are interested in the topic under discussion. If you are tempted to declare the subject boring and switch off, ask yourself whether you cannot use some of what is being said. Does the speaker not perhaps have any worthwhile ideas?
  • Resist distractions: Poor listeners are readily influenced by distractions, even in a face-to-face situation. A good listener instinctively fights distraction. Sometimes closing a door, turning off a radio, moving closer to the speaker, can easily do this. If not, then your concentration level has to be turned up.
  • Learn to concentrate: Listening is not a passive affair, but requires the energy and effort. If you are ill or tired you cannot possibly listen effectively.
  • Find incentives: An important factor in careless listening is lack of incentive. In order to listen effectively you need to feel convinced that what you are about to hear is relevant to you personally. Adopt a "What's in it for me?" attitude to everything you hear. Then when something worthwhile is being said, you won't miss it.
  • Expose yourself to listening situations: By going out of your way to expose yourself to difficult listening situations – listening to interviews, discussions and lectures on topics that are strange to you – you'll gain valuable practice in listening.
  • Be a critical listener: As you listen, weigh what the speaker is saying and the conclusions he is drawing. If you notice any weaknesses in his argument, bear them in mind when the time comes for discussion.
  • Hold your fire: Over stimulation is almost as bad as under stimulation and the two together constitute the twin evils of inefficient listening. Learn not to get excited about a speaker's point until you are sure that you understand it thoroughly.
  • Listen for ideas: Good listeners focus on central ideas, rather than trying to memorise every fact. Learn to recognise the characteristic language in which central ideas are usually stated.
  • Ask questions: The best way to double check your understanding of what a speaker has said is to ask questions in order to clarify and amplify. In the case of clarification, you ask the speaker to repeat or rephrase his remarks. In the case of amplification you ask for additional information. An intelligent question indicates interest, but be careful of a hostile or belittling question. Politeness is the keyword, and ensure that your timing is right.
  • Make sure you understand: If you are at all unsure that you understand a speaker correctly, briefly restate what you think he said, asking "Is that what you mean?"
  • Exercise your mind: Good listeners make a point of attending and listening to a variety of presentations difficult enough to challenge and develop their mental capacities.
  • Capitalise on thought speed: People talk at a rate of about 125 words a minute, yet we can think quite effortlessly at a rate of 400 words a minute. The difference between talking speed and thinking speed creates a tremendous barrier to effective listening. The good listener uses his excess thinking time to advantage, rather than allowing private thoughts to intrude. It is not difficult to develop techniques for using spare thinking time to aid effective listening. You can anticipate what is going to be said, mentally summarise what has been said, mentally question what is being said, or listen between the lines by giving attention to tone and volume, facial expressions, gestures and movements.
The Rewards of Listening

By listening effectively, you will:
  • Add to your knowledge;
  • Encourage people to open up;
  • Improve your personal efficiency, saving time, energy, even money. By eliminating misunderstandings you eliminate missed appointments and unmet deadlines.
  • Improve interpersonal relationships;
  • Facilitate the identification of problems and grievances
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