DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN

[Judy Loux]

 an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.





Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.

Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."





Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n

Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming

out anytime soon.



Childbirth (child*brth) n.

You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."



Lipstick (lip*stik) n

On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!



Park (park) v./n.

Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.





Patience (pa*shens) n.

The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."



Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.

Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.





Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n

A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.



DDiva

[chris68]

     



Love the hardware store one!



Chris68

[Katie G]

Ohhhh, yeah, the hardware store one is dead on.  



I guess their socket wrenches are the same as our black pumps:  



"I don't see why you need ANOTHER a 5/8" socket wrench when you already have three."  

"But, honey, THIS one's their PROFESSIONAL line with the special nickel-plated socket and super-torque handle."         **or some such...I made it up but you get the idea**

"But what's wrong with the ones you have at home?"

"You just don't understand....."    

[countrigal]

Or better yet, a Circuit City or similiar TV/Computer store.  (With my hubby it's Best Buy).  You stop for one very small item and they go nuts.  

"Honey, why do you need another CDRW?"...  "I know it's faster, but you rarely use the one you have."

"No, we don't need another tv - it won't fit in the TV stand you bought for the other one."

"No honey, you don't need another Race Car game (or hunting, or whatever the hot game is for the day).  You've already got the last 3"...."Yes, the graphics look great, but you don't play the one you have."

"No, you don't need the new sound system.  You haven't even hooked up the old one yet."



I count myself lucky if we're out in less than 1 hour, and without spending $100+.  I'm sorry, I can only spend so much time shopping and drooling for electronics.  For punishment - I take him shopping for shoes.  

[ssc1208]

Have you seen that Circuit City commercial where the husband and wife are in front of the store, and the wife says, "Honey, we're just going to go in, get what we need, and leave, OK?" and the husband nods. They walk in, and his eyes get huge and he screams something like "Ooh! High Definition TV" and then he runs off through the store, knocking over a guy carrying boxes. Then the shot goes back to her, and she just closes her eyes. Then the voice over is "We know how you feel." and then it goes on to promote their online shopping website. It's pretty funny. This topic reminded me of that commercial.  

[elleny]

CG,



And I thought I was the only one!  The last time we went to Circuit City we spent 1000  on a $700 TV.   "Why" you ask?  because he had to get the extended 3 yr warranty and a surge protector, and the special glass cleaner...



Walmart is worse for me.  Especially the Super Walmarts w/ the grocery store.  Not only do I have to deal with the the electronics, but the power tools, gardening, toy isle,but then we go to the food side and every other thing I hear is "Ellen can I have this?"  I go in with a budge of $100 and end up spending $300.  This is why I shop alone.



My form of punishment for him is taking to clothes shopping and making him try on everything we buy just to make sure it fits.



Ellen (No honey, you can not have another diecast car) in TX

[radaro]

It's just like grocery shopping with kids!  And the "candy-free" lanes are no better!

[sueg22]

Oh I can relate . . .



1.  Best Buy - went in to get a toaster oven, got a new CD Burner, a steering wheel for the racing game, a few other new computer games and a bill of $400.



2.  Circuit City - pretty much the same as above.



3.  He collects die cast cars.  



Sigh.  But I have 9 pairs of black shoes.