Message #44864

[andream]

Shelly,

You did realize that it's perfectly okay to point out to someone after they've been around some months and when they say "we did it this way at XYZ company".  

“But we're not AT XYZ company anymore Fred”.... And then smile.

Get's them to think about how repetitive their song is, gets your point across and encourages them to stop thinking about "how great things used to be".  Sounds like you're coming to the end of a long rope and you need some coping skills fast.  Have you considered a long talk with your immediate manager about the effects this employee is having on your workflow?

One of the secrets to doing this effectively is to NOT go in with "I just can't stand her she makes me INSANE" viewpoint.  Go in with hard facts.  What projects were delayed, what things could have been more productive, when could things have been made easier for the team? Where do you see issues which have to do with the company and it's overall welfare.  And further, go with solutions too, present some solutions for making this person feel more a part of the team and less ostracized.

Often the more insecure a person actually is about their abilities the more often they will try to defend their workplace “space” by creating an environment which says “I am the GREATEST”.  It’s what they have to do when they’re overwhelmed and under funded in the skills department.  Telling them they have no skills, or are impossible, accomplishes nothing.  Telling management the person involved has no skills or is impossible accomplishes nothing either. They will figure it out.  

Presenting a clear case for why things are currently behind, or why the department is demoralized is okay, but not in a blaming sense.

A very wise man said to me once, “pretend you’re in charge of the company.  You have XYZ person there, you can’t fire him and he can’t leave.  How do you get him on the team?”

Limiting contact with the person involved is only a temporary measure, and in my opinion should be used sparingly and only when you yourself have lost your ability to control your reactions to this person.  And it’s important to note, if you have lost your ability to control your emotional reaction, it’s NOT this other person’s fault, that "blame" has got to rest with you.

 It shouldn’t be “I’m not talking to him cause he makes me CRAZY” it should be “I’m not talking to him because I need to develop the skills to do a better job of it.”

Yeah it[‘s not fun shifting the blame to yourself, but in the end, you are the only one who can chose whether you want to have effective communication with this individual.  You can make this opportunity an exercise in self achievement, or you can just decide she drives you crazy and never find a way around it.  If you chose to persevere, you’ll end up with a skill set which will serve you well in business over and over again.  If you chose to ignore, you can bet that ignorance will cost you in the run up to acquiring better stronger management skills.

My tuppence!

Andrea