Week of April 19th-Managing the megalomaniac...

[andream]

Some dictionary definitions of Megalomania   1.  Greed for power --the enjoyment of having power over other people and the craving for more of it or 2.  a disorder in which the patient experiences delusions of great power and importance.

Whether she’s someone you report to or a member of your admin team, we’ve all seen them.  The dreaded megalomaniac, enjoying a position of power and using it to affect their own personal agenda whist in the office.  A one man band singing a solitary tune and taking credit for the work of others in addition to making your workday a living hell.

Ever been there? How did you cope? What lessons did you learn and how have you managed to turn the experience into a positive one?

Do tell...

Andrea

[supergirl]

I'm so glad you asked.  This week will be my last at the new job I started in early February.  Working for a boss like you've described is the biggest reason I am leaving.  

Examples:  1) He insists that all correspondence, reports, etc. be formatted identically by all the staff (technical and admin), to the point that he will send work back a dozen times, and cause it to be late to the customer, because "the font is a point off in the footer."  On Friday he asked me to do a "slight revision" on a letter composed by someone from another office of the company.  "Just add some paragraph indents; make it look more like our format--should take 15 minutes," he said.  Ha!  Three hours later, he was still pointing out things he wanted done.   "What's wrong?" he asked innocently, when I turned purple with frustration.  

2) His personal agenda is always a rush, but he refuses to delegate any authority to make things happen.  I have been acting as a go-between for bossie as he attempts to purchase file storage.  I found a set of 20 matching files at a reasonable price, including delivery, (amazing!) but he refused to make a decision or to let me make one, and they were sold to someone else.  Soon he was pressuring me again--"We really need to move on this file situation."  

3) He takes out his temper on the staff when things go wrong.  He called me at home early on to apologize for his behavior in the office.  I accepted his apology, but told him I wouldn't put up with his acting that way.  He was overly nice to me for a few days, then back to the usual.  

The guy is a control freak.  I'm sorry for him, but my solution is to get out of there.  Unfortunately other people in the office don't have the same freedom to pick up and leave.  

I recommend going to the HR department, if you trust them.  Perhaps the job could be restructured to eliminate some contact with the individual.  This was suggested to me, as the technical staff and parent company really wanted to help work things out, but I had already figured out another plan of action on my own.

[gee4]

I have to say the only instance I have experienced any of this is when any boss I have worked for requests you to source/price equipment only days/weeks later to still dither over whether it's what they actually wanted in the first place.

They want you to be pro-active and forward-thinking yet when you are, it's not enough or you were wrong to do so in the first place.

G

[shellyb]

Oh I have one of those in our office.  I wonder every single day how she got her job, since she hasn't a clue about any way to do business except how her previous company did it.  And upper management at this point is taking a wait and see attitude with her which, IMHO is very dangerous, though recently they've begun to drop the hammer on her from time to time with predictable results, she takes it out on the rest of us, and tries to undermine the work of the people who have been here longer.

I don't report directly to her and thank God I never will, but she creates such a disturbance in the flow of work with her "We did it this way at my old company" mentality that most days I'm ready to scream.

When trying to describe a project to her it's like talking to brick, (I liked and appreciated the reference from Andrea  in the thread on Prima Donnas last week about the piece of cheese and I too find myself visualzing a piece of swiss with holes in it when I am talking to her).

In the end, those of us who get the work done will still be here long after our power mad ego driven workmate's star has set. I've seen it before and I've no doubt that I will see it again.  It's distressing when no one listens to what we have to say when it comes to this person.  We've been told not to communicate with her, or to communicate as little as possible to avoid yet another blow up caused by the frustration of having a one way conversation (hers!)  on a two way project.

It seems everyone from upper management on down to the office team is aware of what havoc she brings to our work flow and yet no one wants to address her "I'm the greatest" thought process.  I have sat at meetings and wanted to say out loud "that is without a doubt the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of anyone's mouth".

Of course I don't,  but it colors how I do react to her because I have so little respect for her intelligence. If she'd just not talk OVER everyone and listen once in a while, but it never happens like that, she tries so hard to make everyone think how clever she is when in fact she hasn't got a clue.

And to make it worse she's been here for months and things are beginning to show up that her "I'm the greatest" gig might have worked in another place but her results for my company are no where near what they should be. I feel bad for my poor boss because he gets to hear it from everyone how insolent and rude she is, even clients.

I guess I'm more venting here than offering a solution.  In fact I could use some skills for coping with this person as you might be able to tell my frustration level is at an all time high!

Shelly

[andream]

Shelly,

You did realize that it's perfectly okay to point out to someone after they've been around some months and when they say "we did it this way at XYZ company".  

“But we're not AT XYZ company anymore Fred”.... And then smile.

Get's them to think about how repetitive their song is, gets your point across and encourages them to stop thinking about "how great things used to be".  Sounds like you're coming to the end of a long rope and you need some coping skills fast.  Have you considered a long talk with your immediate manager about the effects this employee is having on your workflow?

One of the secrets to doing this effectively is to NOT go in with "I just can't stand her she makes me INSANE" viewpoint.  Go in with hard facts.  What projects were delayed, what things could have been more productive, when could things have been made easier for the team? Where do you see issues which have to do with the company and it's overall welfare.  And further, go with solutions too, present some solutions for making this person feel more a part of the team and less ostracized.

Often the more insecure a person actually is about their abilities the more often they will try to defend their workplace “space” by creating an environment which says “I am the GREATEST”.  It’s what they have to do when they’re overwhelmed and under funded in the skills department.  Telling them they have no skills, or are impossible, accomplishes nothing.  Telling management the person involved has no skills or is impossible accomplishes nothing either. They will figure it out.  

Presenting a clear case for why things are currently behind, or why the department is demoralized is okay, but not in a blaming sense.

A very wise man said to me once, “pretend you’re in charge of the company.  You have XYZ person there, you can’t fire him and he can’t leave.  How do you get him on the team?”

Limiting contact with the person involved is only a temporary measure, and in my opinion should be used sparingly and only when you yourself have lost your ability to control your reactions to this person.  And it’s important to note, if you have lost your ability to control your emotional reaction, it’s NOT this other person’s fault, that "blame" has got to rest with you.

 It shouldn’t be “I’m not talking to him cause he makes me CRAZY” it should be “I’m not talking to him because I need to develop the skills to do a better job of it.”

Yeah it[‘s not fun shifting the blame to yourself, but in the end, you are the only one who can chose whether you want to have effective communication with this individual.  You can make this opportunity an exercise in self achievement, or you can just decide she drives you crazy and never find a way around it.  If you chose to persevere, you’ll end up with a skill set which will serve you well in business over and over again.  If you chose to ignore, you can bet that ignorance will cost you in the run up to acquiring better stronger management skills.

My tuppence!

Andrea

[supergirl]

"Limiting contact with the person involved is only a temporary measure, and in my opinion should be used sparingly and only when you yourself have lost your ability to control your reactions to this person. And it’s important to note, if you have lost your ability to control your emotional reaction, it’s NOT this other person’s fault, that "blame" has got to rest with you."

But if this is the person you report to, who does your review every year, who controls every aspect of your workday, then perhaps it is healthier for you to try to limit contact?  Developing your workplace "people skills" is one thing, but subjecting yourself to abuse is another.  Really I think we are discussing apples and oranges.  Annoying people can be dealt with.  Manipulative, power-wielding despots (wow!) are probably a lost cause.  

Supergirl (Monday down; four days to go)

[gee4]

I agree sg and andrea - I hate when people say that - but you are right - we ain't at XYZ any more.  I have brought ideas and creativity from job to job but have never tried to push my ideas if not applicable to any situation.  You def have to move on and adopt whatever company policy is in place for processes and procedures - if you can bring previous suggestions and ideas with you and they work then all the better, but you have to know when to draw the line.

G

[andream]

But if this is the person you report to, who does your review every year, who controls every aspect of your workday, then perhaps it is healthier for you to try to limit contact? Developing your workplace "people skills" is one thing, but subjecting yourself to abuse is another. Really I think we are discussing apples and oranges. Annoying people can be dealt with. Manipulative, power-wielding despots (wow!) are probably a lost cause.


Not so grasshopper… Now snatch this pebble from my hand… Sorry, I’m having a 70’s TV flashback kinda day.

In all seriousness.  Avoidance should only be a temporary measure.  And don’t get me wrong I’ve used it myself, still do at times when absolutely necessary to preserve my own sanity and to create a safe and healthy working environment.  That being said, avoidance will not change the situation.  In fact it validates the situation.  Your Megalomaniac says to herself “Ha. I haven’t heard anything from Supergirl these last couple of weeks, she must understand and approve of what I am doing”

Sure you know it’s not the case, you’re only avoiding this person because they make you crazy, or are communicating with you in a way that causes discomfort.  But remember the person you’re dealing with will assume that your lack of communication is tacit approval of their actions, communications or work product.  Saying nothing in their world (and in their warped logic) is the same as a big warm hug that says “gee you’re great”.

Then, after you’ve been tooling along avoiding them for a few weeks will come a situation where you can not avoid.  Suddenly you’re not agreeing with your megalo manipulator, they are furious and in their mind you move from someone who disagreed with them from time to time to someone who has out and out betrayed them.  I know that hard to follow, but look at if from the other person’s point of view.

During Avoidance

I’ve heard nothing from Supergirl for weeks, she must approve of what I’m doing! I like Supergirl because she MUST approve of me and my actions.  I’ve not heard anything, we’ve not had an argument in weeks! Therefore she now sees that my way was the right way, OR someone from management informed her to shut her gob because my way was the right way.

After Avoidance stops and it will stop you can’t keep it up forever no matter how hard you try….

I can not believe Supergirl disagreed with me at the meeting! How DARE she bring up that project last week as an example of when my theory didn’t work! She’s got it in for me. What a snake in the grass she is, Never saying anything and waiting until we were in a meeting to make a comment like that!

Now in truth you might have only waited because you had no other choice. But look at it from that megalomainac’s eyes (fractured as that picture may be!) You’ve been lying in wait for her to fail, sabotagueing her quietly.  You now bear careful watching and woe to you if you get in her way.  She’ll attack like a Pit bull dog.

Again, let me say that Avoidance is sometimes necessary in short doses but it will not make your situation better and it will not solve the fundamental problem.  You will have no say so in your performance review with this person because they will automatically assume that you loved everything about them and agreed with them.  

If you’re in an abusive situation you need to follow procedures for documenting, keeping notes of abuse in a place that is safe for you to do so.  (not your office computer!) You may not have a big HR department to go to, and those notes can make the difference in your career and in the kind of reference that is given if or when you ever leave.

I think here though, that it is vitally important to consider the difference between abuse and being a Jerk.  There are laws against abuse when it’s actually abuse, there are not laws about poor communicators who are full of themselves and who make you crazy because of their style and your own impinged ability to deal with their style.

I stand by my statement; Avoidance is a dangerous game and should be practiced only on a short term basis!

Due to the fluctuations in the exchange rate, Andrea’s sixpence has just become a US quarter’s worth….

[supergirl]

You have a lot of wisdom, Andrea.  Thanks for pointing out some things I had not thought about.  Too bad we can't have a cup of tea and a nice chat!  

Supergirl

[andream]

Anytime girlfriend, if you're ever in the neighborhood I gotta great pub with your name on it!~

Andrea

[mummygy2k]

In the main you have described what we have in our office.  Although she has no direct management responsibilities (just has to oversee that some things get done) she thinks she is the Office Manager. She takes notes of everthing that is said and done in the office.  Although she is supposed to be a PA she just seems to print out emails, do some photocopying and arrange meetings.  In the two years she has been here I have never seen her type a letter or document for him.  So she has plenty of time on her hands to think up new "efficient" ways of working that in actual fact take a lot longer.

She is also paranoid and thinks that the whole office is picking on her when things she does goes wrong and they are pointed out to her.  Trouble is because of a "very close 'working' relationship" with her Assistant Director (also her line manger) he backs her up at every turn.  Another AD has pointed out the problems to him but he can't help but be blinded by her logical explanations of everything and it makes the rest of us look like we are picking on her when we complain.  

She has no communication skills at all.  She never talks to us directly, normally sends edicts by e-mail, and if she does open her mouth it is usually to bark an order or to try and show someone up for not having done something to her particular taste.

We appear to be in a no win situation here and it is driving us all mad.  Any suggestions as to how solve this situation.

Thanks

mummyg

[bethalize]

I wouldn't normally advocate this, but have you tried the non-response tactic? I've been doing it lately; instead of just piling in straight away with a response I let things brew for a while. It's amazing how many times something else happens to make my response unnecessary!

If she's sending out these edicts that you should all do something a certain way and you ignore it, what is going to happen? Either she e-mails you again - which you can also ignore - or she will speak to you. I would be surprised if she chose to speak to you because people like this usually know on some level what they are doing and don't want to confront it. If she does speak, you say something along the lines of 'I didn't think you were serious when it goes against company policy'. If she insists, you say 'Well, e-mail me with what you want, why you want it and your reponses to my points so I have it all clear in my mind and I'll do it."

Bethalize
Peer Moderator