Message #4879

[andrea843]

Dear NY GUY,



First, welcome to TAA, we're glad you emerged from the shadows and your perspective will add to our diversity (jeeze do I sound like the BORG or what?, Read on Resistance is futile  )



Of the approximately 13 million Administrative assistants (in the US and UK alone) less than 15% of them are males.  (Some studies say as few at 9% of currently working Admins are male), however, this number is drastically higher than similar studies done in 1995. In short, you are a minority.



If you've been lurking for awhile, you know Im a huge propoent of seeking help from HR, and with some qualifications I believe you should do just that.  Schedule a conference with your HR rep, and explain your situation, however (and not everyone is going to agree with me here, hold the email please!) don't expect much help.



All the training,  and most of the case studies are geared towards females being treated inequitably in the workplace.  Males, as a minority just doesn't "Track" for most people as an issue, even though it obviously IS an issue and one which I'm sure will continue to grow as the years march on and the challenge of the emerging technology draws more and more smart, techno-savvy guys into the Admin field.



What can you Do about it and is it Sexual Harrassment?



To make a case for SH, one must report the behavior and find no effort by the employer to correct it before being able to declare themselves harrassed and seek recourse. IT doesnt sound to me like it's recourse you want, just for the inappropriate commentary to stop.



 It sounds from your post like you're largely happy with your job, save for this one sticking point, so get proactive. And forget about whether you're harrassed or not.  You want to change a set of behaviors that makes you unhappy in a world where you're largely content... then change them.



First, talk to the boss and let her know what's happening and let her know that you plan to take matters into your own hands the next time this behavior occurs. You'll need her to be brought up to speed in case someone complains about your new "assertive" posture regarding commentary.



Then when this behavior occurs again, whether around the water cooler or out at lunch, simply Stop the conversation, give the offender a blank stare and say calmly, "that was uncalled for and offensive, please don't do it again."



Pay attention to your body language, and the tone of your voice, keeping both as neutral as possible and then resume the conversation as though the offender had not said a single word.  



It won't happen overnight, and it probably won't change underlying opinions of offenders, but it WILL cause them to stop the commentary.  Remember that you can't control what people think, none of us can at any level. you CAN however control whether their comments impact your job and your professionalism.



Because you ARE A male, be VERY sure that you keep your tone neutral and your body language absolutely as neutral and open as you can get it when issuing a correction, that way you won't be seen as aggressive.



And consider this as an aside.  I have a very dear friend who is a Nurse.  A male nurse. This guy is at the top of his profession and makes the guys on ER look like rank amatuers.  He jumps out of helicopters and saves lives for a living, but still bears the stigma of being a "male Nurse".  



In the last few years things have changed radically for him and he's now respected for his skills rather than accosted and humiliated for his gender. It WILL happen for you too, be patient, be adamant and most of all be persistant.



Good Luck and stop back by and let us know what happens.