Got my 90 Review today

[izabella30]

It was the most degrading thing that I have been through in my life... I absolutley have no more self esteem or motivation anymore...If some remember my post and update since I started this job 3 months ago... I thought I was doing a "good" job.. they put me on another 90 days..I did some projects for him, and he approved them and today he said " I never approved this"... I don't like it this way in front of the other manager... I have other major issues in life right now and adding this to it just me feel really worthless.......

Thank you, I had to vent...

[Jackie G]

Izabella

Firstly you are not worthless and please stop thinking you are.

Next, is there any record of the prior approval that you can come back with to prove the project was approved?  Nobody should be waiting to a review to turn round and dis-approve something previously approved - these sorts of issues should be raised at the time, not left to fester.

Also to do it in front of another manager was disrespectful to you and you should enter a formal complaint via your HR department about this.

Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator

[raindance]

It may well be that your manager has over-reached his authority in some areas of the work he has asked you to do, so you need to protect yourself for the future.

From now on, Izabella, please keep a diary of the things you are asked to do. Keep every piece of paper to do with projects, including little notes - no matter how insignificant.   You can be sure that your manager is not keep a record, so your record will stand against his word.

If you have to seek approval for something, then I suggest you do it in writing.  If you manager gives verbal approval to your written memo ask him to just sign it approved.  If he asks why you need this authorization, then just give him your biggest smile and say you don't want there to be any misunderstandings in the future.  

Good luck.

Raindance

[beaintheuk]

raindance,
another way of doing this without getting a signature as this might be tricky, is to just put it in writing  and distribute it to all parties involved, i.e. 'this memo is to confirm our earlier conversation and decision about this and that'...
Bea

[suzib001]

Try and turn this negative into a positive ... easier said than done I know. You could start by keeping a diary like the other posts suggest - I have an appointment diary and an A4 (Two-Day to Page it's massive!) work bible which I kept locked away in my desk drawer. In here I write everything including any little vent I might have, my opinions that I have expressed on particular issues that occur that day and how I handle events etc etc. It can be used for absolutly anything. I have a stamp of 5 faces :-)   :- I   :-( which I stamp at the bottom of my entry I then circle the one I find most fitting for the day.

Another idea could be to take 2 days holiday I do this occassionally when I need to sort things out my own mind before I can do I a good job at work. Take the 1st day  to assess you career objectives are you sure this is the company for? update your CV, sort out things in your home life, Think about what you are doing and how you would like to better things in your life.

Take the 2nd day to Relax and Refresh have a lay in, go to a spa (If like me thats too expensive have fun recreating your own spa at home), spend time with family or friends just do things that are important to you.

Remember no job is above you and everyone at Deskdemon is here to support you.



Suze

[izabella30]

Thank you everyone for such wise advice... This weekend I did nothing but think about the review... I almost called in this morning.. There are people around town (where I am employed is a small town)  that have already told me before that the boss I work for is an ******* and that is the word they ALL used.. I think I am going to look for another job.. I have no motivation to work here anymore.. To whoever that created DeskDemon.com you are AWESOME.. You ladies that responded to my depressing story are such angels.. I will keep you guys updated (for sure  Thank you again

Iza

[andream]

Glad you're feeling better Iza! come back and talk to us anytime you like about your developing job situation.  It sounds like it might be time to dust off that CV and take seriouos stock of where you see your career headed.  No one should dread coming to work every single day and no one should have to work as hard as you have to create a partnership with their employer only to have it blow up in their face. Remember that in order to do an effective job, you need to take care of yourself.  Sounds like a good conversation with the hydra...err bossie is in order but not before you've gathered your wits and decided what you want the outcome of this communication to be.  Better communication? More honesty between you? Perhaps you do need to resort to having everything in a written format, however from what you've told us before about this bossie, it's possible he will view having everything suddenly presented to him as a challenge. (he shouldn't but he might) so step into documentation slowly, choosing a big project to bullet point into a written format and approaching slowly and gently with it rather than a militant stance will ensure that your document gets read.

One of the things about documentation is that it helps you discover if there really IS a communication problem.  When you present written objectives based on your conversation with bossie and he red pencils them over an over it's time to ask yourself three questions:

1.  Did I not hear him correctly?
2.  If I heard him correctly, why has the work objective changed now?
3.  What can I do to prevent this happening in the future?

A little training in taking the emotional self out of this process will help you tremendously as well.  (You can however allow yourself ten minutes per day of the Holding his head underwater scenario just for mental health's sake)

What Im trying to say here is that you should attack this like any other PA problem.  If your expense reports consistentantly come back with corrections most often you can figure out that you're doing something wrong.  If after a little study you find that your expense reports are correct, then it's the person on the other end who is sending them back with the problem...the same with Bossie.  Approach it scienticially, think about all the possibilities, is it you? Him? do you want to leave this job? If not, is the relationship fixable? And how do you go about fixing it.? What initial steps can you take to improve your work environment so that you're not dragging in miserable, because as hard as this is for you to hear, it's visible my friend.  Misery in the workplace shows up in our work, in our attititude and most importantly in our perceptions of ourselves and those around you.  The very second you take control of how you feel, you'll be less miserable and more able to work on the problems, and to  make rational decisions about what you should do for yourself and your career, as well as your happiness.

No one said it's easy Kiddo, it's not.  It's about growing professional roots where none existed before, and really taking that next leap into planning a career and professionally implementing that plan.  

If you've determined you want to stay with this company, you've got to make it work, and the best way to do that is with a plan. Your plan, that works in YOUR world.  

you can do it, I see the intelligence and articulate way that you post here, and I also see the marked depression in your most recent entries.  No job is worth doubting yourself.  Improving yourself, yes, that's what being a professional is about, but the kind of doubts you are having are self generated.  Take control of them you can you can you can!

Come back and talk, come back and vent, but take some time and create a plan for how you're going to proceed and you'll be amazed at how much better you begin to feel....

Let us know how things are progressing? Please?

and a note to Suzi, Anything which is kept in your employer's domain, even in a locked drawer is subject to inspection should the employer so chose.  No way in the world would I keep a diary of the sort you suggested at the office.  While you believe the diary is work related the employer could see it another way, and if he/she DOES see it as work related, then they have a perfect right to read everything in it.  One mention of the office makes it work related by the way.

do you really want to run the risk of Mr. Hydra seeing that he groused because his tea was late? Or Ms. XYZ finding out that you think she's disorganised? While I personally advocate a work related diary, it sounds like the best place for yours might be at home where you can make nightly entries rather than run the risk of having a document which is almost personal be found, read and perhaps shared with other management.

So a word to the wise, Keep work diaries free of vents and opinions, because if you don't the information contained within them is tainted by the opinions which are included. If you want to include vents and opinion in a work diary than the place for it is at home, where those vents will not accidentally find their way into the light unless you want them to.

Just a thought.

Andrea

[suzib001]

Good point Andrea ... I think I will remove it from the premisis today!!



Suze

[izabella30]

Andrea,

Thank you for your advise... That was very powerful..
Well sometimes I think that he regrets hiring me..reason being is that in May when I interviewed for this position two weeks later they called to tell me the position was filled.. so "Oh well" I thought..then another 2 weeks goes by and they call me back for a second interview.. So happy at the time, I went in to the interview.  They hired me. I was really excited.  I started to work and you office chat, people started   to get  to know me and started to ask "How is he"?  Is he mean?  I of course said "No".. but I have never in my life met someone so picky in my life. (He'll tell me to do something his way and when I do, and bring it back to him to look over, he says "No, I want you to do this this way" )
Well the story thickens and someone here that I am close to told me the whole story about why they called me to tell me  that the job was taken.  The girl that he liked took another position.  She said that from what she seen, he wouldn't let her telecommute and that the other position would.  From what I know he really liked the lady and so I guess maybe he is heartbroken ?  
You know, I can't motivate myself to work..

[andream]

Isa,

If you  allow someone else to determine how you yourself feel about yourself, then you've given them all the power there is.  Don't do that.  Okay, so maybe this job hasnt turned out to be the best of the best for you.  Are you a professional? Are you good at what you do? Did you think so before this one person offered his opinion? Of course you did! you were out there in the job market selling yourself to prospective employers.  The reason you're being hit so hard by this negative turn is that you thought you had found a home, a professional home at least.  Where you'd be safe from the horrors and stress of job hunting.  Let's face it no one likes that.

Now you find out that you've got no "home" in fact you're on a leaky boat which is taking on water fast.  Some of that water you're adding yourself because you no longer believe you can get that boat to go anywhere.

The shore's in sight kiddo, are you going to sit there and wait while the boat fills up with water or will you swim for it? Or maybe even bail a little.

Before you give up on yourself, a little communication with the employer is in order.  But you're so down on yourself I hestitate to suggest it.  Communication only really works when you're coming from a powerful place inside, otherwise the tendancy is to place blame.  When you're feeling bad and someone brings up something you've done it's the path of least resistance to find a way to blame someone else rather than listen to what the other guy is saying and try to fathom if the problem is something you can correct.

You know, when you're baking a cake, you've got a certain amount of leeway with the flour. A bit too much the thing might be dry, but it will still pretty much look and act like a cake.  Too little though and it never turns into anything useful.  It doesn't rise, it just sits there in the pan, and you wonder what it could have been.

communication is like that.  And Sweetie even if you're the world's WORST office professional, which I seriously doubt, you can add a bit more flour and still end up with a cake. It's when you don't try that you don't get, and right now you need to be trying to explain to yourself, that you are not all things to all people and sometimes people don't mesh well and sometimes people say things and have no real idea of their impact on another person.

Ask yourself this:
You're still in your first 90 days of employment.  Your employer could have easily said  "Uhhh this is not working for me, let's part friends have a nice life"

Rather than being miserable, why not consider some positives here?

Your employer decided to extend your probationary status
Your employer gave you some things to work on, even if, in your opinion they were not all correct, at least he's given you something to start with.

Why not consider creating a plan to address some of his issues in a way that you think makes sense, and *gasp* ask his input? I bet if you can make yourself do it, you might see an attitude change in him.  

Tell him you were distressed by the review, don't cry and don't blame, tell him you'd like to bring your work up to his standards and then ASK him for his advice on how to do just that.

Now, you've got your power back because once you ask him and he offers some advice, it's totally your decision as to whether you'd like to follow that advice or not.

Go on, bake a cake, what have you really got to lose?

Andrea

[cherokeechick]

Iza,
 I understand about not being able to motivate myself to work. The job I just left was a bit like that. I tried to make it work. I talked to my boss like it has been suggested, trying to iron out a plan on how I can help her and she can help me.  

After 3 1/2 years, I have given up, but not soon enough. The job has left me feeling useless and like a total idiot and lower than I have ever felt before. Bossie started out helpful and full of encouragement and hope that we could really learn to work together. Then, little things began to happen. I suddenly wasn't allowed to attend the department head meetings anymore, so everyone typed up their notes for me to enter into a newsletter. (When they got around to it, that is.) Several of my duties were taken away from me, such as answering her phone for her or checking her email, or processing her mail as I had always done. When I asked why, I was told that she had something else in mind. (what else does an assistant do unless she assists???) None of the new duties ever came about. Then, I was accused of messing up reports that were pulled from a computer system. (how can I mess up what the computer pulls???) I was told to change things I couldn't change because bossie didn't understand that I wasn't in the right department to make those changes and didn't have the authority. When I attempted to explain this to her, I got lectured for my 'insubordination'. It escalated to the point that certain things were asked of me that I was very uncomfortable with professsionally and personally, and I refused to do them. Suddenly, I found myself accused of terrible things I didn't do. I had attempted in the previous 2 weeks to make an appointment with her to discuss this growing problem, but was told, get with her tomorrow and set up a time. I never got in to see her like everyone else did, although she has an 'open door policy'.

I was finally pushed to the point that I got up and walked out a couple of weeks ago. Now, I'm having a heck of a time finding another job because of the job market. No matter how bad it gets, if a boss is trying to make you feel useless or inadequate like mine did, chances are it's not you, but it's the boss projecting his/her inadequacies upon you and blaming you for them. Try not to take it personally. They just need a scape goat. Find another job while you still have this one. You are better than that and deserve better than what you're getting.

Another way that my boss enjoyed harrassing me was by email. (I just happen to have forwarded any questionable ones to my home email account for safekeeping.) They just happen to be a nice hard copy of what was discussed previously. If your boss won't sign a paper with the details, perhaps he'll communicate with you through email on items like that, such as...regarding the conversation of this morning, I would like to verify that I have no misunderstandings of what is expected..... Gives him room and time to think it through before he responds to you. Gives you a hardcopy of his decision so if he changes his mind, you can forward a copy back to him to say....lookie here.... A standard word of caution here...BEWARE of email. They can trap you as easily as they can trap him. Write them carefully and use them sparingly! But they sure do save a lot of trees in instances like this. :-)

Best of luck in this!
CC

[izabella30]

Thanks CherokeeChick,

"He" has been out of the office for 3 days now..WOW what a tranquil and positive place it has been.  I am totally not looking forward to Monday.. But you see I don't want to feel this way..
I really do hope you find a job that you enjoy.  I know the job market sucks.. but you will find something.. Oh that brings me to this question, lets say I quit this hell hole of a job can my boss tell them that I was an "okay" admin (as he called me in our 90 day review) I know he can't go into detail but he may ruin my potential employers