Remembering, in my own way

[stephanies]

As I sit here, it's now after 12 noon, and I have hardly had a moment where my eyes were not teared up today.

I listened to the radio this morning, to the same radio station I listened to on this day last year, and remembered hearing about the first plane, and remembered thinking "boy, is some air traffic controller gonna get into trouble over this one".

Then the second plane, and I could not comprehend how something like that could happen.

I got to work, and people were huddled everywhere around radios (we don't get very good reception in this building). My coworker honestly had no clue about the magnitude of what was happening - at one point she actually said "I know it's sad but we still have work to do"...

When she saw me crying about the second tower falling, she realized exactly how huge this was. She apologized to everyone, and joined us around the radios and television.

How? Why? It's not real. It's a Tom Clancy novel. Ever get the feeling that your life is someone else's comic strip, like Ziggy, or that you're just under a microscope so someone can see how you'll react to different situations?

This was history in the making. I knew it right away - and I also knew I had never lived through something this horrific, and that I was so damn grateful to BE living through this, and not to have been on a plane, or in a tower, or in the Pentagon.

For the next couple of weeks, I read every article, watched the news all the time, trying to understand how a man could so hate our country, our freedom, our PEOPLE, and in the name of his god attack us, using our own airplanes.

The fear of being anywhere near a well known city had taken over. All I wanted to do was stay home with my kids, tell them I love them, and hold them tight.

Andrea made a comment last year that has echoed in my mind every day since she said it. Andrea pointed out that these people had done nothing wrong, they simply got to work and probably were just getting their first cups of coffee, sat down at their desks, and suddenly they were the target of the most evil man alive.

I watched the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald in a live interview cry and sob uncontrollably... because he had chosen to take his child to school that day... and because of that simple choice, he is alive today. Now there is a man who knows the value of simple choices. I've watched the Cantor Fitz website for a while, and that company is a company I admire - integrity, family oriented, loving. Definitely not my current view of Corporate America!

I bought the newspaper today, and read through the articles in memory, then continued to peruse the everyday news (because everyday news still happens, even on the anniversary of the scariest day of my life). Then I started to read the comics - and would you believe I'm still crying over them? The tributes, mostly to the firefighters, were more touching than anything I could imagine. Oh, to have such skill and artistic talent to paint a canvas showing your feelings or draw a picture to convey your emotions... would that I could.

I was raised in a household where Patriotism was the norm. We flew the flag on the required days throughout the year, taking care to never let it touch the ground and making sure it was brought inside at dusk... yet since last year my family has flown the flag every day. Because Patriotism isn't a something you can put on a shelf and only take out on holidays and anniversaries. It lives inside each of us, and now I'm passing it onto my children. My son put out our flag today.

I know I will never again take for granted many things:
the jobs of the police and firefighters
the smile across the table at my husband
the smile from my daughter
the hug from my son
the freedom that so many men and women have fought and died for
the blessings in my life
my brothers and sisters
my parents, and the lessons they have taught me
my dearest friends
and each and every one of you

Each Holiday Season, I will remember the families of the victims from September 11, 2001... the babies who will never know their daddies... the woman who suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns but survived nonetheless... the husbands and wives who are now suddenly alone...

If nothing else, this date has taught me to count my blessings, each and every day.

[countrigal]

In addition to what Stephanies so eloquently said, I have also spent the day thinking of all of y'all... those of us who kept in contact through our only means available -- our website and computers.  Liz, a true blessing and friend though we've never met, was with me through so much of that day and is who broke the first news of the event to me.  Then everyone else: Andrea, Chris, Winkie, Ellen, and so many more I can't name, who all checked in and joined in the waiting and hoping that all of our brother and sister admins would check in, some of them being called by name in the hopes that someone would say they'd heard from them.  The outpouring of support, as admins and friends from around the globe joined together on this site and helped each other in some small way.

Know that you are all on my mind today and everyday, as I've learned the lesson to be thankful for the blessings I have in my life while they're here, since we never know what might happen from one moment to the next.  May you all count the blessings in your life, today and every day...

CountriGal
Deskdemon Editorial Board Member

[donnap99]

Remember the thread that started I think it was the following day (stand up & be counted)?  I printed that and have it in my desk, praying that I never have to refer to the names or locations, looking for one of you all!


DonnaP99

[bethalize]

Donna, would you be so kind as to send me the first post from that thread? The thread was called "Today is a new day" but the first paragraph got lost, probably when TAA moved.

I remember ICQing with you, Keena. I remember calling people and asking if they knew, and calling back those who couldn't get to the radio or the TV.

Before today, I never knew why people would ask each other where they were when Kennedy was shot or when Elvis died. I shived as I remember.

Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[radaro]

In your brain, memory and emotion are closely linked so the more emotional the event (happy or sad) the more likely it is to remain a clear memory.

[donnap99]

Bethalize - I've PMd you.

DonnaP99