Post deleted at the request of the user

Edited by andream on 02/01/02 07:48 AM.

been "lurking" in the shadows here for a bit now but today takes the cake and I need to vent.



I am a Male.  A Male who works as an Administrative assistant for a very large company in NYC.  My boss is a female and as bosses go not bad.



The problem? I'm sick to death of innuendo.  People who would not dream of making such a comment to a female Admin don't hesitate to make crude comments about my relationship with my boss (which is nothing by the way, she's the boss Im her assistant).



If these same comments were made to a female Admin there would be ten people lined up in HR to complain, but when it happens to me, people laugh and join in.



Why am I treated differently than female admins? And what can I do about it?



I have a degree, this job pays well, challenges me and(We're in the Entertainment industry) I get to meet lots of very cool people, and the benes are outstanding. I have no plans to change my direction and this is not a "filler" job for me until something better comes along.  Being an Admin is something I enjoy, and yet there is this dividing line between how Im treated and how the female Admins in the office are treated.



I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.



Guy, not sleeping with the boss, not Gay, and really ticked off In NY.



P.S.  Whatever happened to Prudence? I was waiting for the next installment

Dear Mrs. Winkiebear,



A great deal will depend on how "westernized" your japanese visitors are.  If they have made a great many trips to the US, they will react differently than if the US is a new environment.



First, Handshakes, unless initiated by the Japanese visitors are considered "unseemly", some japanese business travellers have learned the custom, but largely, its a Western concept and ignored by them.  



Also it IS expected that you bow, IF your visitor bows to you first, not to do so is rude.  The Japanese bow is an elaborate and formal concept, and what appears to be a breif, illthought out thing, is in reality a very formal way to establish pecking order.  IF your boss is bowed to first, he should return the bow, making his VERY slightly lower than the one he was given, if no bow is initiated by your Japnaese visitors then follow their lead.



Also when you think about gifts know that the Japanese view gift giving as a ritual and that you don't have to spend lots ot make an impression.  For instance many Japanese business men are coffee afficiandos.   (coffee is very expensive in Japan and a VERY nice gourmet basket would be a wonderful gift and seen by your visitors as VERY extravagant.  It may be good to have them sent to the hotel with a note from your boss of welcome to your city.  And then to follow up with something more personalized such as something reminicent of the city as was recommended earlier in another posting.  ALso be aware that in most cases, your Japanese visitors will feel duty bound to return your gift in kind, to do less is a mark of dishonor, unless your visitors are very westerized.



Good manners are probably the most important thing you can use to impress Japanese visitors, keeping your speaking voice well modulated, and I know all the ladies out there are going to slam me for this, but Women in particular should be very careful not to touch or offer their hand for shaking unless the visitor initiates it.



The first time we had Japanese Ad people in our offices, there was general confusion as MY bosses all bowed and the Japanese stuck out their hands awkwardly for shaking.  Turns out the Visitors had been studying as hard on their side of the ocean as we had on ours on the correct thing to do!

 

I took your advice Andrea and the next time someone made an off color comment I used a variation on your "I find that offensive and uncalled for" statement and then did as you suggested and returned to the conversation like nothing had happened.



At first people stammered and were somewhat offended, but the key was going back to the conversation and as you suggested paying attention to my body language (and do you have any idea how HARD it is to drop a literal bomb on the conversation and then smile and return to it like you were never offended?!).



HR contacted me after the second time I did it, so apparently someone complained, I explained the situation and was actually commended on how I was handling it and since a couple of days after my original post there haven't been any other incidents of people making crude comments about my relationship with my boss.



You guys are "Da BomB!"



Thanks, That's Guy, not Gay all male, all Admin, in NYC

I slept with Murray the Cow once, it was an udderly disappointing experience. Groan!



Seriously Sapphowolf, while the lawsuit sounds like a just revenge you may find that it takes more from you than it brings TO you.  



Guy, that's Guy, not Gay, All male All Admin in NYC (and Murray too)



PS Andrea,  you've got a wicked little mind I read your posts sometimes and think, she's kidding, I know she's kidding she IS kidding isn't she? Remind me never EVER to piss you off bad enough to get on the firing end of that laser rifle you have for a brain!

It has not been my experience that people who go through life thinking they know everything, will change based on words spoken (or written by others).  I think the most pertinent observation made was Andrea's "you're so caught up in the drama of this situation you couldn't extricate yourself with a backhoe".



Some people crave drama, they crave arguements in an effort to prove they are superior and then create more drama.  It's not something that users of this board can have an impact on.  All the good intentions in the world don't negate the fact that most of us wouldn't put up with the original poster's antics for one minute. She feels isolated? My heart bleeds for her.  But ask yourself, would You want to work with this person? Not me.



If she's "exhausted and confused" it's from all the time put in trying to find justification and rationale for her inappropriate and unprofessional behavior and  not from doing any serious thinking about what's been said.



Like the flu, only time cures this disease.



Guy, that's guy not gay, all male, all admin in NYC

Shucks ladies, I don't see a critique here I see an attack.  Shame on you Yankee for taking it personal (jealous? type in green? that was no critique it was a ground  to air missle) and shame on Andrea for feeling she had to respond.



Bottom line. Articles? read them liked them understood them

"Critique"? Yankee I give it a three for content a -2 for delivery and a 10 for claw sharpening.



Andrea, I give it a 5 for content, and a +2 on the defensivness factor.



The rest of you? calm.  No fun there.  



NyGuy, that's Guy not gay, all male, all admin in NYC