Message #50732

[countrigal]

The big question in my mind is if anything positive comes from these get-togethers?  Do the girls work better together afterwards?  More camaraderie?  Or is there no beneficial outcome at all that you can see?  If there is any positive, it might be worth going to -- if and when your schedule permits it.  If not, then I'd definitely steer clear of it and hope to have a pre-planned engagement on these evenings.  I think that if there was actually any hope for a positive outcome from these get-togethers, you'd know it and feel like you could participate for that purpose alone, and simply ignore all the bad-mouthing that she does about the boss or anyone else.  Also realise that if you continue to miss these, be prepared for any fall-out that may come your way.  You may be the big topic at the next one, either because you are seen as seeing yourself as "too good" to go, or because you are sucking up to the boss or are against the other ladies who go.  Which brings up another issue.  How many of the invited 'girls' go?  Is there just a handful that go each time?  Does attendance vary, as someone goes and learns it's not to their taste and someone else is new the next time?  Or are there so few who go that you would be more obvious there than absent?  This could play a role in how these get-togethers go, and the outcomes from them.

Sounds like your best bet for now is to continue to keep your pre-scheduled dates and offer your apologies for not being able to attend her get-together.  And learn what you can about them to be prepared with how you'll answer when and if she ever has one on a day that you are free.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator