Message #64112

[raindance]

My irritation is not about "debates" - those are easy - but just the day-to-day interaction with a particular person.  Let's call her Jane (with apologies to all the "Janes" out there).

For example, behaviour at meetings, discussions about procedure on projects, interpretation of standards, even something as minor as how to get the photocopier going when it has jammed.  

At a meeting for instance, whether it is a staff meeting or a high-level committee meeting, Jane might occasionally be there in some capacity along with me.  A problem is discussed and I give my opinion.  Usually even before I have got half a sentence out, Jane will say "No ..." and give her two cents worth - even though she is generally incorrect or her judgement is skewed, or she doesn't have all the facts in order to give an opinion.  "No" is her established, and first, response to every remark that I make, and often to any remark that other people make too so it isn't necessarily personal.  

I don't have a problem with people disagreeing with me, nor with legitimate debates.  The trouble is, I suppose, that Jane speaks before having listened to the speaker and without considering her response.  I have spoken to her a couple of times about this behaviour, calmly and tactfully.   She is never able to apologize nor to correct her behaviour.  It really is beginning to be major irritating and it's difficult to change the behaviour of someone who is well over 40 years of age.  A member of staff who is more senior than me mentioned her behaviour to me just this morning.  

If this behaviour were just occasional, then I could shrug it off because people are people.  I don't choose my colleagues any more than they chose me; we were all appointed to do a certain job and we have to get along.  However, this behaviour is constant, every day and on every possible occasion.  It's wearying and boring.

I've come to the conclusion that if the word "no" were to be removed from the English language, then Jane would be speechless!