Angry Body Language

[cwalley09]

We have a new person in the office and they have "angry body language" if that makes sense.  I should Google that!  It is actually really disturbing and I was wondering if anyone  could understand what I mean and give any suggestions on how to deal with this person.   Let me see if I can describe some, it is hard to with just words.  Scowl on face, crossed arms that clench, have you ever seen "talk to the hand" with out the attitude always puts his hand straight up to keep distances,  his stances is defensive like he is ready to fight.   It is crazy!  I thought it was just me, but I was in a one on one meeting and even my boss laughed and came up with the term angry body language.  He is a great worker and causes no problems, just is.... uncomfortable to be around.  Any ideas how to tone someone down?  Or do I win a DeskDemon cookie to stump the forum board!   

[Cathy S]

The first thing to try is putting yourself in their shoes ... they are new - they may feel uncomfortable or out on a limb - do they have a buddy? has their induction been thorough?

Has their body language changed suddenly to this style? what factors may have caused this?

In terms of addressing it - "do as you would be done by" is an excellent motto - exaggerate (slightly - you don't want to appear clownish) positive open body language to this person so for example, always approach with a warm smile, never cross arms or legs or stand with hands on hips - we often don't realise we do these things (hands on hips is my body language vice)

I am not suggesting you all change yourselves beyond recognition for ever but undoubtedly there will be a negative vibe going back the other way to reflect this persons angry body language ... this person has come into your territory and they are trying to establish themself.

Good luck

Cathy

[gee4]

Well the best way to deal with someone like this is to engage in non-verbal communication, although sometimes easier said than done...

- Showing open palms not only conveys submissiveness, but also honesty
- Orientate your body...standing face to face adopts a closed position so by standing at 90 degrees this allows openness and creates an imaginary position that acts as an escape route
- Glaring can provoke a fight...by gazing downwards it signifies non combat and says you are not here to fight
- Decrease volume levels...do not compete with the other person, speak in a clam and gentle manner, in effect this forces the other person into becoming a better listener

Angry people are more likely to make risky decisions.  Although some say angry people are more competent, whereas nice people tend to stew about things.

I am sure others will give good advice also.

[gee4]

Cathy,

I think it's unfair of you to suggest this person's angry body language is a result of his new company or the people in it.

There's no excuse for a scowling face or clenched arms, that alone is going to be offensive to anyone anywhere.

It sounds more like this person is insecure or has an attitude problem.  I've been a newbie several times but  have never come across like that.

[peaches2160]

This should be dealt with by the persons manager in their coaching sessions or professional development sessions.  It is called self awareness, and some people have to have things brought to their attention as to how they effect others.  It would help if he had a coach that could give him a silent signal when the body language is strong.  He may not realize it since it is most likely a habit that he has formed over the years.  Having a coach to  monitor this and bring it to his attention when it is happening could help. 

[gee4]

Peaches,

I agree.  This person almost sounds aggressive in his whole demeanour.  It should be nipped in the bud immediately.

[officepa]

As this person is new to this office environment, and he is a good worker and causes no problems, I would assume he was nervous and unsettled and perhaps even without realising it, comes across in the way he does.  Keeps his distance? - perhaps he feels uncomfortable with people he considers are getting too close to him?

Not sure cwalley initially put across that he was an angry person as such, in fact, she said he was a great go-worker but just his body language gave the impression of anger.  Perhaps it is his social skills that need help?

Have you ever seen a teenager who is perfectly happy but their body language says differently?  Some things have to be learnt such as how you come across to others - once pointed out, they adjust.

[ecogirl]

Maybe his actions are being misread - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.  I was once reported to HR for my angry body language during meetings.  What HR were not told beforehand is that our meetings were held in "pods" with uncomfortable, soft, low seating that threw you backwards therefore, even if you had a sensible length of skirt on, the person opposite would still be able to see up your skirt.  This meant I sat with my skirt tucked tightly under my legs and my legs crossed.  Also because you were thrown backwards, this put strain on the buttons of your blouse and as a person with large breasts I was very conscious of this.  On more than one occasion my buttons popped if moved even slightly and I at times I never noticed this happen and sat through meeting with my blouse gaping.  Therefore I began sitting in meetings with my arms crossed as well.  All I was doing was trying to preserve my dignity and instead I was further humiliated in front of an all male panel.  Maybe give him a bit longer before you make a final decision, after all "He is a great worker and causes no problems".  I wish I worked with more people like that.

[ecogirl]

BTW I also regularly realise I'm scowling when I'm concentrating, it doesn't mean I'm angry but I must stop doing it because I'm getting an ugly line down the middle of my forehead!  :-)

[officepa]

ecogirl - poor you, what a situation to find yourself in - both in the meeting pod and being hauled in front of HR. Hopefully you don't hold meetings in such places any more - or if you do, you take your own upright chair with you 

However, your description of how you were sitting did make me smile and reminded me of a time I attended an interview with a very low, deep, soft chair that made it impossible to not flash your knickers at the male interviewer opposite when you went to stand up 

Good point about the scowling - I have a (so I am told) severe expression at times when I am concentrating or reading even tho I am perfectly happy so now try and adjust this.

[gee4]

Ecogirl, you should wear trousers or clothing more fitting for your environment.

Nothing to do with this guy being new, he has an attitude problem that needs sorted.  I have never acted like that as a new person in a job nor come across any other new member of staff who acted like that.

Sounds like a weirdo to me if he cannot get on with people!

[ecogirl]

Since when was a black suit with a knee length skirt and a white blouse not suitable for working in an office?

[gee4]

I was once reported to HR for my angry body language during meetings....our meetings were held in "pods" with uncomfortable, soft, low seating that threw you backwards...I sat with my skirt tucked tightly under my legs and my legs crossed....because you were thrown backwards this put strain on the buttons of your blouse and as a person with large breasts I was very conscious of this...On more than one occasion my buttons popped if moved even slightly and I at times I never noticed this happen and sat through meeting with my blouse gaping.

If you have to adjust yourself like that in a meeting due to inappropriate seating , then it becomes a problem.  Now that you know you can just plan for those meeting days in advance.  I think a trouser suit is much more practical.  I run from one building to another all day, upstairs and down, unjamming copiers, carrying copy paper, in and out of goods inward, through factories etc...a skirt is just not practical especially in a company full of men!!!

[JessW]

BTW I also regularly realise I'm scowling when I'm concentrating, it doesn't mean I'm angry but I must stop doing it because I'm getting an ugly line down the middle of my forehead!  :-)

I had that at a rather large firm of lawyers!  They assumed I was unhappy because I was frowning a lot.  I wasn't unhappy until my supervisor had a go at me.  She didn't like it when I handed in my notice during my probation period (and I told her when I was going to finish too, rather than her telling me to go) and explained that because of the air conditioning being so fierce my eyesight had been seriously affected and (quite strangely in my view) it meant that I was having difficulty hearing what people were saying to me!  She even knew that I started with the firm without glasses and ended my 3 months having to wear them all the time.  I still have problems, however at least I can see (and hear properly!).

PS the ugly frown is almost gone (after 3 years and lots of different deep wrinkle cream!)