Work and Friendship

[vegasadmin]

I've been thinking lately about work and friendship.  I know some people who've met some of there best friends at work (I'm one of them) and others who believe so firmly that work and friendship don't mix that they won't even go to lunch with there co-workers.  What about y'all?  Can work and friendship ever mix or should they never mix?  If you believe the latter, why?  Is it because you've been burned and refuse to put yourself in that situation again or is it something you've always believed since before you became part of the work force?  If you believe the former, how do you keep one from interfering with the other?  How do you handle those special problem situations that only occur when work and friendship mix?  Just something I've been thinking about over the past few weeks!



Colleen in Las Vegas (who, along with DH, is making friends with two other couples on the job)

[energizer]

Colleen,



To my way of thinking, friendships either happen or they don't.  Whether they begin at work among casual acquaintances, or at church among equally casual acquaintances, there has to be a beginning somewhere.  I've always believed that friendships are a gift, whenever they begin.  To deny myself the possibility of a warm and lasting friendship with someone simply because they happen to be a co-worker seems awfully short-sighted.  My higher power (who just happens to be "God") puts people in my life just when I need them most.  Who am I to tell Him that if He wants to give me a friend, He must put that person anywhere but in my workplace?



Sometimes, because of the nature of our workplace, close personal friendships aren't likely (or at least aren't the "norm"), but I wouldn't think of closing that door completely.  When I moved from Florida after being there 18 years, I kept in touch with only a few close, personal friends.  Two of them were coworkers, the rest were friends from Church or IAAP.  Over the past 12 years since I left, some of those friendships have fallen by the wayside for one reason or another.  One of the ones that has lasted is one that began as a workplace friendship and grew from there.  And one of the closest friends I have now also works with me now.  She would do anything in the world for me, and I for her.  



So, I guess it depends on how you view friendships.  Me -- I view them as gifts and accept them with gratitude, no matter where they originate.



Energizer  

[msmarieh]

I have made many cherished friendships through work. However, we have always respected our companies and not disclosed confidential information inappropriately.



Marie

[mlm668]

I've made friends in and out of work.  However, I have found that most of my work friendship don't seem to last as long just because we lose touch and sometimes lose common interests.  My best friend is someone I met at work.  Actually, he is one of my bosses.  We are both the youngest in our families, share a lot of the same interests, but have different goals.  He is the only friend I've ever had (male or female) to show an interest in what in going on in my children's lives.  We work hard to keep our friendship out of the office and the office out of our conversations during off hours.  We can and have spent hours online talking about everything and nothing and work never comes up.  So far its working.  But like any other relationship, it takes a lot of work.  

[laundryhater]

Although our section within the department is pretty close knit, I only go out socially with the ones closer to my age. I'm the youngest one here (2  so I go out with the 30s and 40s year olds. They are close enough to my age that we can still find some things in common. And even though they all have kids and I don't, I still like to listen to their interesting kid stories.



I think people who don't make friendships at work are missing out on a lot. When we were unsure of our jobs because of the layoffs, we went to each other for support. When we found out we had survived the layoffs, we celebrated together. I don't think I could have done these things with my friends outside of work. I would have felt I was "burdening" them with my problems and that they wouldn't be able to relate as well as those who were going through the same thing as I was.



We still talk about work sometimes (except the confidential stuff) but we don't talk about social stuff at work. We have an agreement that whatever happens when we are out socially is not to be talked about at work in case one of us is embarrassed to talk about our social lives at work. We don't tarnish our professional images by telling so and so that "Jill" is a bad driver. They don't need to know that, it would only make "Jill" feel bad. But we still tease her about it when we are out together and she's okay with that because it's just us women.



Anyway, that's how I feel. I value my friendships from work.  

[countrigal]

I too treasure friendships wherever they occur.  Until my last position I had not made any close friends with co-workers and felt comfortable with that situation.  Then I met my "twin" and mentor, and made a best friend of a co-worker.  We started off just friendly co-worker/mentoring type situations but it expanded as we found more and more we had in common.  Due to her position we had to be very aware of appearances and agreed that anything confidential was off-limits.  We are both too much the professional to do otherwise anyway.  And neither of our bosses thought otherwise from it.  The only time I had it questioned was when I went for an interview for her position.  They made mention that they were sure that I was aware of all the types of situations that can occur in it - to which I responded, No Sir, no more than any other employee in this facility.  (btw, from the time her position was announced we did not meet for lunch or afterwork all in an attempt to keep folks from thinking that we were discussing her position and her giving me hints on how to interview, etc.  No one expected it of us, but we just automatically did that.)



Now that I'm in a new position in a new facility, she and I still keep in contact and share our lives and I wouldn't want it any other way.  Now I'm in the perdicament of starting over and making new friends in a new location, and so far no friendships have started with co-workers - but I'm not counting them out.

[sueg22]

I agree that friendships will start wherever you meet the individual (work, church, the supermarket, wherever).  My two closest friends were once co-workers of mine.  One was in fact, my boss at my very first job.  I've also had the friendships that were based solely on work and when the job changes, the friends drift away.  



I also have two close friends that I met, of all places, at jury duty.  We spent 4 weeks together and have continued this friendship for over 3 years.  



I also met my husband at work -- so I guess I do mix business and pleasure.     We have been in the situation where my husband's boss reported into my boss - but we never had a problem.  We don't discuss confidential work information in our relationship.

[chris68]

I'll add my .02 cents here, I have a very good friend here in the office that I just had a baby shower for over the weekend and it worked out wonderful.  She and I probably would never have met or become friends if it werent for our current positions and I am very thankful that we did meet and became such good friends.  You do have to limit your conversations while on the job front because you are being paid for a service, so conversations need to be kept to a minimum, however, I am very greatful for the friends that I have made here at my current position, what a great group to work for (4 years and counting).



Chris68