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tlc2559
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« on: February 12, 2001, 09:48:57 am » |
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Things I MUST remember as a dog:
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.
23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.
25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
tlc
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sueg22
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« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2001, 04:44:38 pm » |
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Thanks for posting that - that was hilarious. But how did you get my dog to tell you all that stuff?  |
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tlc2559
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« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2001, 05:59:33 pm » |
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Nope, your dog didn't tell....my dogs DID all this stuff, at one time or another.....
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chris68
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« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2001, 12:57:35 pm » |
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My friend said, "If only my dog could read!"
Sounded just like her dog.
Chris68
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djpcps
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« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2001, 04:17:23 pm » |
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This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen! I was reading it with my hand over my mouth trying not to "cackle", I was laughing so hard. Tears were running down my face, making it hard to keep reading. I also wondered if my dog supplied the answers - he's an almost 10 year old Lab and I think I've seen him do all of these things at one time or another.
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