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fireproof
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« on: December 14, 2001, 06:03:56 pm » |
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As long as we're on the subject, I came up with a few more my my cats:
The dog is not my personal heating pad. I will not curl myself up on top of him and force him to lie still just because I think the floor is too drafty.
Moths are not good eatin’. I will not launch myself from the backs of chairs, scramble up the curtains, or skitter across the mantle in an effort to catch one. It’s just not worth the hassle. I will, however, attempt to develop an interest in spiders, since my female human is forever pointing them out to me and saying “Look Kitty, PREY!”
Anything left on top of the humans bed (i.e. clothing, towels, magazines, books) does not immediately become the highest spot in the room and I do not need to claim it as my own.
When a door that is normally closed is open, it is not an invitation. When a door that is normally open is closed, it is not an affront.
Just because it falls from the table does not mean it is good food and I will not pounce before the human who dropped it can pick it up (peas, for instance, are not good).
When my human female and I are walking through the house (and wherever she goes I go, since she might open a closed door, see above) , I will not race to get in front of her and then stop; especially not when the room is dark and ESPECIALLY not if I’m a black cat.
House plants are not salad.
House planters are not convenient mini-litter boxes.
Humans do not appreciate cold nosed kitty kisses at 3:00 A.M. And they don’t like to share their pillows.
When my humans have a delicious looking kitty treat when they obviously intend to place in my food bowl, I will not put my head in the bowl and wait for the treat to appear in front of my nose because, for some reason when I do this, the treat usually lands on my head.
The telephone is not out to get me. I will not claw my way to my favorite hiding place each time it rings.
(and the afore mentioned) I will not just appear in my human's lap, leaving them with no idea how I got there!
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fireproof
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« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2001, 06:18:19 pm » |
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OH, I forgot one:
I will not climb on top the the answering machine or the clock radio, just to see if anything is new up there. From my point of view, nothing ever changes, from my human's point of view, when I climb up there A LOT changes!
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countrigal
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« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2001, 08:03:50 pm » |
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 I love these too! CountriGal
Deskdemon Editorial Board Member |
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jewels6567
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« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2001, 09:26:29 pm » |
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LOL I love the treat one. My cat would always hover right over the bowl so I couldn't put anything in there.
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mcbethers
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« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2001, 10:51:46 pm » |
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How about: "I will not go into full stalking and hunting mode chasing invisible butterflies in the house. My human's do not like the claws that accidentally catch them instead of the butterflies."
My parent's cat does this all the time. All the sudden, she'll stare intently at absolutely nothing, crouch down and then leap into the air as if to catch a butterfly. Of course, the claws are fully extended, and usually, there's a good chance of getting scratched.
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jewels6567
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« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2001, 03:37:42 pm » |
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How about:
I will not scratch at the door to go out and after my human lets me out and then sits back down and gets comfy, scratch at the door to come back in.
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radaro
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« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2001, 05:21:26 pm » |
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Stay away from my female human's pantihose!
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donnap99
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« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2001, 05:33:44 pm » |
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The one about moths just about gave me a Diet Coke nasal cleaning!!! Here's one from personal experience: After a cricket feast, I will not gather the crunchy, inedible legs into a pile at the bottom of the steps where my humans will step on them when they come down the stairs first thing in the morning, in the dark.  DonnaP99 |
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mathwhizchick
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« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2001, 08:55:04 pm » |
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Another one from personal experience: I will not pull the legs off of one side of the palmetto bugs so I can watch them run around in circles.  |
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