Does crying at work make you lose credibility ?

[twhfan]

There is a person I work with who cries easily and often at work.  Some of the things she cries about are work-related, others are not.  She's not shy about crying in front of anyone - her supervisor, peers, upper management, etc.

She doesn't have health or money issues, and has a happy, healthy family life (I know her quite well and we talk on breaks).  I like her a lot, but I have to confess that sometimes her crying makes me feel uncomfortable.  She has high hopes for "going places" in this company, so I wondered what you all think about the credibility issue?  

[radaro]

I'm not sure that you lose credibility but I don't think people want to deal with a "watering pot" - especially men.  As you mentioned, you know her well and it makes you uncomfortable.  Management may not want to promote her because they may think she doesn't have the strength of character to handle a tougher job.

The only time I can think of in my professional career that I ever cried in public is when my boss quit.  It was announced in a meeting and my friend started to cry which sort of set me off.  I thought that I would be let go, too.  Any other time I have felt the need to cry, I have hidden in the bathroom, which rarely happens.  After all, it is only work.

She may just need to develop a thicker skin.

[mlm668]

If she is truly as you describe, I wouldn't want to deal with her on any level.  

We all have days where we want to cry because we are simply so stressed out that you have to get the emotion out somehow.  At least I know I get like that on occasion.  My solution is to hold it in as long as I can (hopefully until I get home) and if I can't, I go to the restroom and let it out.  I also work in a company that has only four females out of 100 employees so I am always conscious of being seen as overly emotional.  My co-worker on the other hand has been known to cry at her desk, but only when she is going through a personal crisis or is just simply to tired to cope.  And neither of us has ever broken down in front of any of management when being criticized.  (We wait until they walk away.)

To answer your question, yes I think this behavior is destroying her credibility.  If she cannot handle day to day stress without breaking down into tears, how could I ever believe she could handle the high pressure items that management deals with on a daily basis.

Michelle

[Katie G]

I can think of only three times when I've actually cried at work, and I'm not exactly a "tough" person.  One was when my first *new* car was hit in the company parking lot as I watched from the window, one was when I got a phone call that my aunt had died, and the only work related one was after an outrageous performance review where I had been accused of cheating on my overtime (total nonsense, I contested it and won, but the accusation itself was such a shock...)   Crying makes people uncomfortable, and if this person is crying on a regular basis over minor incidents, it doesn't make her look very professional or competent.  It may even make her appear emotionally unstable.  More often than not, in a work environment, you need to "suck it up" and keep calm and not let your emotions get the best of you.

[radaro]

Oops, I lied!  I remember another time I cried at work - September 11, 2001 but then didn't we all?

[bethalize]

Yes, it loses you credibility. It's a loss of control, just like losing your temper. It's also seen as a form of blackmail and that you are weak because you can be hurt so easily - and, of course, it's seen as a 'woman' thing.
It might not be fair, but that's the way I personally see it.

Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[jadegrniiz]

Waterworks keep the plants watered and the grass green, but it makes a puddle of mud on your desk and makes your makeup run.

I think I've cried 3 times in my working enviroment. First was the Oklahoma City bombing. I worked in a courthouse, and within hours of the building in OK exploding, our Sheriff's Dept found an unmanned Uhaul in front of my office window. Scared the you-know-what out of me. Second time was when my jerk-of-all-time-boss hired someone before my notice was up and let me go several weeks early. I was a single mom, didn't have  a new job lined up to start.... and was mortified. I was angry, hurt and TICKED off... and came out in tears. Third time was recently. I was 9 months pregnant and an emotional wreck. Hubby was in a bad spot at his job, complained constantly... and he couldn't do a darn thing about it because I was going on a 6 week leave we already couldn't afford. Hubby calls me, asks how my day is. Then, says "Do you think Bossie will let me do your job while you are out?" I laughed, asked him why he'd want my job... and he said "because I just got fired." He was totally joking... and any other day I would have known he was kidding. But I fell apart. Eeks!  


Jadegrniiz
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[superninjaadmin]

Hi, Twhfan!  

I've read everyone's responses, so far.  What caught my attention is that this person cries easily and often about anything and everything.  Heck, I don't know this person, but to me it seems like a personality thing -- perhaps even a chemical imbalance thing -- emotional control issue.  Is she on some sort of medication that perhaps makes her emotional?  Perhaps she needs to be on some medication to calm her emotions?  Although she's healthy (physically), and happy with her personal life, I hope that she visits a doctor to get an evaluation and diagnosis on her emotional control issues.  

Losing credibility or not, it's true that most people that know her because they work with her every day will just get used to her actions... "yeah...that's just how Susie is..." but it does make one feel uncomfortable when someone else cries in front of them.

Every once in a while I get upset and need to vent at work - I have one person that I can trust and I go to when I need to let loose on the waterworks, but I try very hard not to cry in front of just anybody at work.  

SNA (who admits she sometimes gets choked up - even over those silly Campbell's soup commercials) in AK  

[twhfan]

You probably have something there with the "personality thing".  She's a warm, very sensitive person and I guess she just can't get a grip on her emotions sometimes.  It just makes me wonder whether she will realize her goals of "going places" with this company because of this.

I, too have cried at work - once was when a beloved boss announced her resignation (she and I were alone)., and the other time was many years ago when a supervisor made cruel remarks about my clothing (I was single, living on my own and making a fraction of her salary.  My clothes were clean and professional, but not the newest fashions).  I didn't lose it in front of her, though.  

We all get stressed at work, but I guess my philosophy is "it's only work and it's just not worth wasting all this emotional energy on".  Instead of crying, I use Radar's suggestion of visualizing the nice peaceful brook and watching the bubbles rise to the surface as I hold the offender under water.  Sick, but it makes me smile and keeps my emotions under control.  (I silently thank you for this every time I use it, Radar!)

[radaro]

Glad to be of service!  You made me smile and that was something I needed today.

[msmarieh]

Anyone can lose it occasionally at work. None of us are robots and we tend to let our emotions show when we are especially tired or frustrated or otherwise on edge.

However, it is entirely inappropriate to cry regularly and over "anything". Not only does this make people uncomfortable, it can also make them feel manipulated. It is all too easy to believe that they are crocodile tears put on for a show and to gain an advantage (people tend to finish the conversation quickly to get out of there).

I consider it absolutely unprofessional and I do think she probably has some emotional personality issues. However if it's ingrained it would be awfully difficult to change.

Marie

[fourshea]

There have been a few times I have cried at work, and in front of someone no less... One time was when we lost a coworker to a tragic car accident (enroute to work on a Sunday to meet a customer), another time was when I was so frustrated with a coworker and had to take a vacation (and that was teared up - but none flowed until I left the presidents office) the third time was when I got chewed out by a boss known to tear someone down - and that I held in until I left his office (he later apologized for being a jerk and totally out of line).

I think we've all cried at work at one time or another... and yes, people get VERY uncomfortable when dealing with weepy people.

[countrigal]

The way I look at it is like this... would you want to be working with a manager who breaks down and cries over the slightest hiccup in the work flow?  Or cries when it gets stressful?  Would you put this type of person where they'd be dealing with possibly irate customers?  This is not the type of action that makes one feel good and confident in that person's abilities.  Management has to be looking at her and wondering what type of job they have that would work for her, that would keep her from crying -- and I don't see a management or move up the ladder in the works for that.  Everyone knows that things get more stressful the closer to the top you get (I mean, the closer you get to the sun, the hotter it will get), and if she's not one to handle stress without tears on an ongoing basis, then she wouldn't be suited for that type of position.  

Like someone else said... we're all human and as such we've all had our own emotional upheaval (be that tears or anger or whatever non-professional form it took), but to do it continuously has to definitely be a negative in the eyes of everyone around.  Hopefully your co-worker will get the help she needs to better control her emotions, and what a friend you are to seek comments from this site.  Maybe a suggestion made here will help her.

CountriGal
Deskdemon Editorial Board Member