Advice on behaviour

[beaintheuk]

Our company is going through bad times.  However my boss's attitude towards me, I feel, is not justified and I am starting to take offence.  I am  looking for another job so I am buying my time but still, I'd like to have your views and advice on how you dealt with such behaviour.  

I'll give you two recent examples:
- boss asks for a document which I am not aware we have and tell him so, he looks at me as if I was stupid and just repeats his request to go and find that document.  Later on after looking into files and asking colleagues, I get a confirmation from our Admin Manager that this document doesn't exist but that it should have been created.  I report to boss who then asks me to create it, which I am in the process of doing.  Of course he wanted it 'yesterday' so he's rushing me to gather the info.  
- boss asks me to print a document.  I do it and bring it to him and he looks at me while on the phone and says it's the wrong document and goes on to say 'just forget it', like I am useless.  After he hung up he comes in my office and says that was the right document and walks past my desk.

I am fustrated at his first reactions and his impatience.  I never really came across this before because people always remained courteous.  If I had genuinely made a mistake (which I have done in the past, we're all human after all) then I don't mind criticism.  I actually like annual reviews so I know where I am and can rectify things.  

Am I over-reacting???

I don't like his attitude at the moment, just venting....

Bea

[andream]

It's a tough call when we as Office Professionals feel demeaned by those we support.  You'e indicated that this employer's attitude has upset you enough, that you're job hunting.  So let's start there.

Are you job hunting because of the communication problem with this individual? Or are there other factors at work here? Had you previously decided that you weren't happy, or is that CV brush up all due to this one manager and you'd really prefer to stay with the company, even though there are hard times at present?

If your answer is that you really prefer to stay with the company, than you know that you must address your feelings with this manager.  That's best done in a non confrontational manner.  "You know Mr. Martin, Lately I've felt you were unhappy with my work, for instance you seemed rather upset last week when I couldn't find the XYZ document. I thought perhaps we could schedule some time to discuss my work and to see if you have some thoughts on imprving my efficiency.".  Do use I statements. Do take credit for your own emotions, and your own feelings of his displeasure.  You may find hes just a poor communicator and not particularly unhappy with you.  Take a look around you, does this guy treat EVERYONE poorly? Or just you? Be honest in your assessment.

Now, if you had begun that job search BEFORE your bossie became petulant, you were already mentally out the door anyway.  If bossie 's bad behaviour is just another mark on a long page of "reasons why I want to leave this company", then consider doing something very difficult.  Consider letting it go.  If Bad behaving bossie is already causing you greif, it might be safer reference wise to let the situation go while you continue your job search.  What's important though, will be managing the emotions his ill treatment is causing you. That's hard when you're feeling belittled.

But, how much sense does a confrontation make IF and only if you think it's going to increase the already poor treatment?

Only you can decide what's right for you, and only you know your bossie.  Will talking to him about your feelings have a decent projectable result? What's the matrix for "good result".  Being nicer ? Having more respect? Those are choices only you can make.

Now that's the Professional Website personna speaking.

In the real world, this guy hurt your feelings.   consider other times when your feelings have been hurt.  Have you gone on to build good working relationships once the air was cleared?  what you do, how you react to similar situations in the past, will give you a good clue as to whether or not you think this situation is salvagable. If you're sure it isn't,  polish that CV and spend your energies on your job search.

If you think it MIGHT be savable, consider the sit down chat with bossie.  

AND has it occured that possibly if business is bad, Bossie is distancing himself because a.  employees tend to blame the management when things go sour and their jobs are in jeopardy (Who wouldn't!) and b.  if things are fiscally that bad at your company, Bossie may be rationalizing.  Creating justifications for who must be let go when the axe falls.  

It's seldom I've seen a manager who was capable of cutting staff without some "reason".  Why keep Peggy and not Joan?  Hmm no REAL difference, but I need a reason,,,,ahhh the missing documents..... sometimes it's that simple.  Managers who don't know how to trim staff invent reasons for keeping one over the other.

It ain't purty but it's often the sad shortfall between Good managers and well,,,,, Yours.

Andrea

[bethalize]

Hmm. You say the company is going through bad times. Could this be the cause of his bad temper? He might be under a lot of pressure. If he has changed, there must be a trigger factor somewhere, whether professional, personal or physical. If there is a problem, shouldn't you cut him some slack? Only you can tell how much, but if you knew his wife had died you would be sympathetic and understanding. Do you see what I mean? You may not know what the problem is yet, but perhaps a little preemptive generosity wouldn't be a bad thing. He might not even be aware of his grumpiness.

Looking at your two examples it sounds that communication might be part of the problem. With the document, did you ask where to find it? If you had pressed a little harder, would he have told you? Or would he just have been off hand?

Also, have you considered speaking to him about his manner? Saying "I noticed you'd been offhand recently and I wondered if there was anything I could help with?" might be worth thinking about.

It's a bit difficult to tell whether the guy is having a bad time and forgetting to be considerate or if he is on a slippery slide to boss hell!

Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[lauren]

I had the same thoughts as bethaline. You say your company is going through bad times – perhaps bossie is only just tensed because he is not certain about the future of the company or his own. Of course, that´s no excuse for bad temper, but might be an explaination. Did you so far have good communication with him? Then go ask him what´s wrong. I guess he doesn´t even realize he´s hurt your feelings!

[bethalize]

Ooh, I don't know, Charity? Would involving Personnel be making mountains out of possible molehills?

(Note to readers: this post is made up of questions to invite further discussion, not a criticism).

Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[bethalize]

Hmm. I agree with you in principle, but I would be inclined to keep the initial actions low key.

I can see the television program now: "When Good Bosses Go BAD!"

Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[andream]

I tend to agree with the Bethelizer on this point as well.  Creating a group situation before you HAVE to, could well spark some defensivness.  Besides Bea, you're a PA, you can handle this guy on a bad hair day, with your computer throwing blue screens.  It's really about whether you NEED to handle him or not.

Not much point in training a bossie if you won't be there, though there is something to be said for making your point about being demeaned or belittled in the hope that others will benefit from Bossie's new found spirit of communication.

Again, let's take a trip to the real world, ya know the one, where you require a paycheck and possibly a reference from this guy...

How would you feel, as the manager, having a meeting and your first clue, your first inclination(and it will be his first, trust me on this one, he's not got a clue he's in the bossie behaving badly category) anyhow, your first clue that there might be a problem comes in front of other people?! ohhhh baaaad.  Very bad.  NOW he not only has to justify himself to you, you've created a scenario where he might *gasp* look bad too.  

Speak softly darlin, and carry a big ol stick in the form of a great CV and frequent trips to the post office to send them out.

Andrea

[chevygirl55]

I guess I would have to ask what the relationship was like before.  Like anyone else, bosses have ups and downs with their private lives as well as their business lives.  I would say if everything has been great till now, cut some slack and try not to take things too personally.  If it has always been on the edge then maybe quicker action is called for.

chevygirl55

[superninjaadmin]

One of the people I currently support is our corporate attorney.  She, putting it nicely, can be quite dramatic at times (actually... all the time).  She bitches and moans about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE at work (never to their face...she just likes to vent) ...and she is always putting on a drama scene!!!  And, me being her admin, I get to listen to her griping all the time.  It's depressing, and her mood swings are very wide.  I have learned not to trust her.  If she talks that bad about people behind their back, what does she do with me when I'm not around???

Sometimes I have to walk around her like I'm on egg shells - I never know if she is in a mood.  Sometimes, completely unexpected, she lashes out on me - she makes things bigger than they really are.  What makes me angry is I can take the heat and she can chew out my @$$ if I have screwed up or made a mistake, and I can take a few blows without fighting back, but I don't deserve to be repeatedly treated in such a disrecpectful manner just because I am her "admin" and that I am conveniently there at the wrong time and the wrong place.  She doesn't treat anybody else like that, so why me???  Grrrr!!!  

In the past 1 1/2 years that I've worked with her, she's lashed out on me several times - totally unexpected and uncalled for.  I put up with it without saying anything, but after lengthy chilling effect, I call a "time out" and we have ourselves a little "chat" to clear the air.  Enough is enough - I don't care who you are or who I am!!

Anyway, the latest string of her moodiness towards me ended in a little "chat" that we had last week.  We had a good talk and we cleared the air.  Of course, her little tirade was overexaggerated (as usual) because she thought I was putting her work lowest on the totem pole priority over our boss...she was having herself a little pity party.  (Oh geez...give me a break and don't include me in your pity parties!!)  So, at the end of our little chat, I informed her that I don't understand why she treats me the way she does.  I asked her if she did this to anybody else in the company.  She said "no" and I told her that in all the years that I've worked for this company, nobody...NOBODY has ever treated me the way she does... and I told her that frankly I was tired of her ways of treating me and if it happened one more time, I was going to file a complaint with HR...  Enough already!  

So... end of story is she has been very nice to me.  Almost syrupy nice.  Today she came in "grumpy" again.  (heavy sigh).  Oh well... Fortunately with our reorganization, I won't be working for her any more.  Somebody else gets to put up with her over-dramatized actions.  

She even treats her husband like a child.  Hmmm... I wonder who wears the pants in her family???  

I know this was long... Thanks for listening to my vent, guys!  

SNA

[blufire21]

Take a deep breath and picture the calm pool.  


Ellen (I wonder what would happen if all us Admins decided to growl back?) in TX

[raindance]

Bea,

I agree with the others on this.  Only you can know what your boss is like outside this situation, and it is highly probable that he is feeling under pressure if your company isn't doing well.  You never know, his own job may be on the line.

On the other hand ... it might not hurt for you to keep a little note in your diary of the way he treats you.  Nothing major, just a note or two in case you need to tackle him or for when you have your annual appraisal and you can discuss your working relationship in a relaxed manner.

I wish you every success in job hunting.

Big hugs

Raindance

[beaintheuk]

Thanks a lot for all your comments.  I slept over 'them' and here is what I came up with.

First my boss doesn't tell me anything about his private life so if there is something wrong which would help me understand him, I can't tell.  I respect his need for privacy and never ask any personal questions.

My boss can be a bit ruthless: after one bad argument with a manager, he has made her redundant 2 months later.  On an another occasion, he wasn't happy with a manager and is making him redundant using the current poor state of the company.  This manager is stunned as he had put so much hard work into the company and never though he would be on the redundancy list...  Hence my concern if he's not happy with me, what has he in store for me?

The other element I should give you is that I went for an interview with an agency last night and I will hopefully be put forward for another PA role.  I should find out today.

I did think long and hard about discussing the situation with my boss.  I have made a list of things which I am not happy with (I always remember those 2 days he didn't want to give me last Christmas so I could spend Christmas with my family - I had to work on 23 and 24 December)
Anyway I have prepared some notes to discuss the problem with him BUT if I get an interview for that job and am offered the position (the agency is very confident about my chances and at the moment I am not aware of any competition - I did ask!), then I won't raise it with him and just leave.  If this doesn't work out I'll keep looking for another job.

I feel I need to clear the air but is it worth it?  I don't think so anymore.  There is a chance this would only make things worse.  My boss keeps a lot of things confidential at the moment which makes me feel 'outcast'. What's a PA role if your boss doesn't trust you!

I am going to wait and see.
Bea

[Katie G]

Oooh, Bea, that's nasty!  Sounds like you REALLY don't want to tick this guy off.

{{{{{sending good, good, good, good vibrations that your interview goes well!}}}}}}

(Yeah, it's Beach-Boys-tunes-humming-weather!)

[superninjaadmin]

Bea,

I just read your follow-up post to your situation.  

You need to go with what your gut instinct tells you - so, not saying anything and waiting to see what happens is your best choice.  

Side note... I got some really good advice from my boss yesterday (we are pretty close and he trusts my confidence and I know he has my back, too ) regarding my other "people issue" that is going on at work with with Ms. Poly Urethane ... remember her?  Well, he told me some things where she tried to make me look like a horrible cruel monster (which I am not - but that was her only feeble defense) where she exaggerated a single incident where I had a confrontation with her one day about her lack of sharing information with us admins in the office... Anyway, the advice he gave me was that my good reputation with this company preceeds me, and that Ms. Poly Urethane might try but she can't ruin my reputation as a good employee - that everyone here at work knows the real "me" and everyone can see right through "Ms. Poly Urethane" and boss suggested that I take the high road and not worry about her.  It was an isolated incident, just blow it off and forget about it.  Deal with her on a professional level, but leave my personal feelings about Ms. Poly Urethane out of it.  ....So that's what I've been doing these couple of months, and is what I will continue to do.  

So, Dear Bea, just try to stay professional.  Don't let your boss's actions hurt your personally.  Try to keep a level "professional" head about you and if you do feel you want to talk to him some time about stuff, keep it on a professional level.  

Take care, Bea!  

SNA in AK

[countrigal]

And whenever it gets real bad... go visit our DeskRage site and bob bossie on the head a few times.    Also joining in on sending good vibes for your interview...

CountriGal
Deskdemon Editorial Board Member