Problem manager

[raindance]

At my workplace we have a manager who is very fond of "deferring reprimands". This person will say to a subordinate something along these lines "I've been meaning to talk to you about something for a long time, let's make an appointment."  The appointment is scheduled for, say, anything up to two or three weeks later.  When the subordinate asks what this meeting will be about, no substantive answer is given and is told "I don't want you to spend time worrying about this", but the person is left feeling that there is something wrong, that a reprimand will be given.  No prior information is given, and therefore the "victim" is unable to prepare for the "meeting" nor to prepare an adequate defence.  The "meeting" is often scheduled for almost the last thing on a Friday afternoon.  As you may imagine, this causes a lot of needless distress.

Does anyone here in The Hub have any similar experience, or can you suggest a way of dealing with this sort of person that I can pass on?

Many thanks, in advance.

Raindance

[superninjaadmin]

Hmmm... sounds to me like this boss is passive/aggressive and does not like to deal with confrontations or people issues...  

If I were the "victim" and the boss came up to me and said "I've been meaning to talk to you about something for a long time, let's make an appointment."  I would grab the boss aside at that moment and ask what the issue is and how to best prepare for the meeting.  Also, the "victim" should try to be the driver in setting up a specific date and time that is much sooner than three weeks from Friday at 4:00 p.m....  That way, the "victim" has a little bit of control in deferring his or her punishment.  

Best of luck.  SNA

[kittie]

Sounds to me like your boss in on a power trip.  He/she has no right to make people feel like, whether it is intentional or not.  You are entitled to know beforehand exactly what the meeting is about - that is basic decency and human rights if you ask me.

It's happened to me in the past but I really wouldn't put up with it if it happened now.  Distressing people over such things is just not on in my books.  If it was me, I would be asking for a meeting sooner rather than later because I have some issues to discuss too - this would take him/her aback a bit.  If they wouldn't tell me what the meeting was for, then I would say "OK, I suppose I can just bring my issues to the meeting too."   When the meeting arrived and he/she reprimanded me, I would point out my concerns about how the situation was handled and the distress it caused me.

This isn't being "smart" or "clever" but if there's no other way to make it clear that this type of behaviour has no place in a modern working environment, you have to make a stand somehoe.

[radaro]

Your boss is not much of a Skinnerian!  The important thing to know about behaviour modification is that "punishment" must immediately follow the "bad" behaviour in order to extinguish the "bad" behaviour.

Say, for example you did something "bad".  Finally, you get to the appointment and your boss mentions the "bad" thing - 6 weeks after it occurred.  Does he really think that you can remember all the details of what you did?  You are not even sure what you did let alone how you did it wrong.

Or if this is some activity that you engage in daily/weekly, you have been doing the same thing the wrong way for six more weeks.  It might even be a habit now.  Now something that could have been corrected quite easily now requires 6 weeks of back tracking and correcting - not very efficient!

Someone needs to speak to your boss about the benefits of immediate corrective action.

[superninjaadmin]

I agree with Radaro -- if we did a dastardly deed, then we deserve to be punished (corrected) immediately, as one would punish (i.e. correct) their pet dog for doing a bad thing.  Would you wait six weeks to punish your dog for doing something naughty...um... I don't think so !!  

Sounds to me like the boss needs to be punished for his/her failure to punish correctly.  he he  Good luck.

SNA

[raindance]

Thank you all SO much!  This advice was passed on and most welcome.  I knew my fellow Deskdemoners would help me out.  Thank you again.

Raindance