Total Meltdown - Please help!

[jahdra]

I had a complete meltdown this morning. Luckily, there was no one around as I burst into tears. I don't know what set me off, maybe everything. I really, really dislike my job. There's no reward in it anymore. I support a large group for my firm, second only to my immediate co-worker, who supports almost TWICE the average number of people. Our management admits that they use our group to keep their average at the level that the national office believes they should be. Since we work for a relatively small group, any complaints from the people we support results in "The admins need to provide better customer service," although occasionally they promise to add another support person to our group, but never follow through.

Anyway, my co-worker gave notice last week. She will stay on through December and management isn't working too hard to find a replacement. They like to wait until someone is "really" gone before hiring or transferring someone into a vacant position. I really dread trying to support the entire group at once. Vacations are bad enough, but if they don't hire someone soon, it will be a huge mess.

On to my issues: 2 of the people I support are big dogs in our group, and one is steadily taking on more and more regional and national responsibilities. The other people in my group tend to get pushed to the background, probably my fault, and it makes them cranky. I'm getting lost in my narrative here, but anyway, I'm just so frustrated and burnt out, all I ever do is put out fires. This isn't helped by the fact that, oh, let's give them names. Adam is very reclusive, doesn't say much and I have to pry everything out of him. He'll spring things on me at the last minute and then change his mind five or six times. He never, ever, ever makes a final decision, until it's too late. I have done everything I can to prompt, encourage, even beg and plead with him to give him answers, but no dice. Every suggestion I make, he has to think about it. For months. I follow up with him constantly, and he's still "thinking" about it. This is the one with increasing responsibilities.

My other guy, hey, let's just call him Guy. Guy is very aggressive, and very opinionated about everything, especially how the firm, and our practice in particular should be run. He seems to dislike most of the firm's policies and procedures. He did come from 20+ years at a rival firm, so has some basis for his opinions, but it's aggravating, and I'm always on the receiving end, at least initially. He's not quite reasonable about things and is a hard-driving perfectionist, which would be fine, except that he gets all wound up in something and then...drops it. Nothing. Don't worry about it. Until it's an emergency. And it's the firm's fault and on and on and on.

Between Guy and Adam, I feel like I am slowly being driven insane. On top of that, there is some ugly stuff going on that I am trying to stay well out of, because it's the kind of mud that splashes everyone nearby. And then there's my management, which is totally unsupportive and ignores us (me and my soon to be former co-worker) most of the time, except to occasionally demand that we provide better service to our customers and that if we just managed our time better, they wouldn't have to hire another person. Right. See above about our staffing levels.

Since I seem to have lost all objectivity over this, I would appreciate any feedback or insight you can give me. Please?

Thanks for reading my rant!

[gee4]

Hey, and don't I know only too well how you feel!  Boss #2 called me from London this morning asking did I book coffee for his concall this morning?  He also asked me to reschedule a flight for him next week as he has to be home for his son's birthday.  Now forgive me if I don't have my crystal ball with me this week, but unless he communicates, I cannot read his mind.

I think at this time of year we all go a bit cranky and when bosses take advantage and want everything completed this side of Xmas, they tend to put extra pressure on us and don't consider our already huge workload.  If you're like me you tend to keep going and promise the world.  I never refuse anyone anything and that is my problem.  Sometimes we have to learn to say no, and mean it by carrying out our actions.

My opinion is that you have to vent this to someone, HR or a line manager or one of your bosses.  It they don't know how you are feeling, they won't be able to do anything.  If you are really that unhappy I would start looking for something else.  Who knows what the new year will bring.  We've all been in crappy jobs, working for crappy people - honestly I've been there so I know first hand.  If you start applying for other jobs now it will pay off sooner.

For now, try not to worry so much.  At the end of the day only you and your health will suffer cos once you're out on sick leave, the others will realise how good a job you did and how they took you for granted.  Believe me, taking some time out for yourself can only be a good thing.

G

[raindance]

I would look for another job, Jahdra.  No harm in looking, and who knows what fishes you may find in the sea of work opportunities.

I sympathize with your work difficulties.  It isn't any fun being caught in the crossfire.  I have a similar situation here where I work - one chairman and one immediate past chairman have been conducting a private war for a long time but now it is impeding my work.  Grrrr ...

Raindance

[Jackie G]

I would agree that if you really hate it, you should leave and find something else.  Easy to say, not necessarily so easy to do I know.

Some questions.  Adam the recluse you have to pry everything out of and beg and revisit and revisit.  Have you taken charge of one of these revisits and told him either that you will make the decision or he does, and it stops here?  Does he know how frustrated you get by this?  I had an occasion a couple of months ago where all sorts of things were in the way of only 2 fairly simple decisions that had to be made, but couldn't be seen for the wood, if you see what I mean.  In the end, I actually made the decisions.  They were the ones that would have been made anyway, but this person just wasn't in a position to make them because she was too concerned about things she couldn't influence...

Again easy to say, not to easy to do.

As for Guy, well if his constant criticism and carping about his current company annoy you, let him know.  I would wonder why he had moved if the old place was quite so good.... but nicely!

As I say Jahdra, all easy to say and less easy to do, but I do think it sounds like you've had enough there.  If you and your colleague both leave/resign at pretty much the same time, will that not also send a clear signal to those in charge that something is wrong in paradise?

Jackie, Peer Moderator
www.iqps.org

[Katie G]

Jahdra, honey, take a deep breath.  We're here for you....

Another board I visit has coined the phrase, "Run like a citizen of Tokyo fleeing Godzilla!"

Red flag #1:  You had a meltdown at work, which, as we all know, is the number one thing you move heaven and earth NOT to do.  So you've been pushed past your limit.

Red flag #2:  Your quote, "I really, really dislike my job".  

Red flag #3:  This joint sounds VERY poorly managed.  Decision making does not appear "core competency" with this gang.  Is just going ahead and making a decision yourself a possibility?  It might help keep things moving, but on the other hand, the vibe I got from your post is that this might be frowned upon (or worse) by the powers that be.

Red flag #4:  "Blame the admin" seems to be the blanket statement for any and all complaints, covering up for #3.

Jahdra, hon, I'm well aware that it's NOT as simple as just saying, "Take this job and.....", but you might feel better if you get your resume/CV just "out there" and start fishing.  Sometimes just having a plan of action can make you feel better.  It's not a quick fix, but it helps you look ahead.  

Please try to be extra good to yourself right now.

[bethalize]

Darling girl, you sound like you are having a horrible time. My sympathy is yours, and probably that of everyone else reading your post. It does sound that it's time for you to move elsewhere.

There can only be suggestions for this sort of problem, no one can fix it immediately. To help you cope whilst you are there, might I suggest that you examine the limits of your repsonsibility? This is a very hard lesson to learn especially for admins who are can-do, take-responsibility for people. However, you are only responsible for them on a professional level in a professional manner. You don't have to be their mother.

You need to get them to take responsibility for themselves. The only way I know of doing that is of clearly passing ove the responsibility (recording it as well, such as e-mail)  and then stepping back and letting the world go to hell in a handbasket.

The old prioritisation trick is one you can use. I've posted before on the rudeness of people who expect everything dropped so you can tend to their avoidable emergency. Andrea's ticket system, one for jobs in good time, one for emergency jobs, is a good one. IIRC this is where when people come to you with something you say that you are sorry but you have a big pile of green tickets for work that has been submitted in good time. If they would like to fill in a red, emergency ticket then you'll be happy to oblige. That way you can track which of your problems is volume of work and which is people. Then you are in a position to get something done about the situation.

Good customer service depends on the customers. If I pay my bill on time, put in timely orders and am polite in my requests for help, my vendor is going to be everything I need. If I walk into my bank and demand to go straight to the head of the queue because I have a meeting to go to, I will get short shrift.

You sound like you are coping really well. Good for you!

Bethalize
Peer Moderator

[jahdra]

Thanks, everyone, for your excellent advice and kind words. It looks like I need to polish up my resume this weekend. I've been dragging my feet on it for various reasons, but I think I need to stop doing that and start looking elsewhere. I don't like interviewing - I'm terrible at it, in fact - and the only way I've gotten jobs in the past is by going temp to perm and treating temporary assignments like a very long interview. Deep sigh. Well, the sooner, the better, lest I get so bitter that I can't interview at all. Thanks again!

[countrigal]

What exactly are you terrible at in the interview process?  Presenting yourself favorably?  Coming across as cool and calm (while quaking inside)?  Coming up with answers to the questions?

By looking at where you are having problems in the interview process, we may be able to offer suggestions that may help you.  You may also be able to take some "training" on interviewing well, where you get to practice being in the hotseat and having to respond with little preparation, or we may have other hints to help with other issues.  If you're willing to share your area of weakness, maybe we can help you overcome it and be more confident of yourself when you start putting your resume out there for folks.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[jahdra]

Countrigal,
All of the above! I find the interview process excruciating (or at least I did, it's been a few years since I've had any external interviews). I get so nervous I start fidgeting and playing with my hair, stammer, can't answer questions, break out in flop sweat, stay amazingly stupid and/or unflattering things about myself and others, and on and on. I think I've done most of the things on those "Interview Don'ts" lists. Or at least it feels that way. Just typing this up makes my palms damp!

[gee4]

Jahdra this might sound bigheaded (don't meant it to), but because of redundancies, I have had to attend interviews for temp jobs as well as perm jobs.  With this experience, you build up confidence and believe me all that nervousness goes eventually.  Of course we all get apprehensive as we don't know what to expect but mostly interviews all take the same format.  Why don't you practice this with a colleague or friend and see if that person can put you at your ease and at the same time, help you overcome those little things we know we shouldn't say or do at interview.

After all the people interviewing us are only human beings too and they may well be as nervous as you.  I always have to remember that coming across as over- confident can have a negative affect also.

G

[raindance]

One of the most important mantras to remember when you are going for an interview is that you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you.

They have your CV before them and would not have asked you to the interview if they were not interested (unless they are going through some politically-correct ritual of "we must interview people even though we are going to appoint Ms X from the mail room").  Additionally, you KNOW what YOU can offer THEM - why else would you be sitting there?  How about what they can offer you?  In addition to the usual questions about pay and conditions, I often ask my interviewers, at some point in the interview, the following questions: what are the positive aspects of working here?  what are the negative aspects?  what attracted you to work in this company?  People generally like to talk about themselves.  These questions never fail to press the right buttons.  

Good luck, Jadhra.  Let us know how you get on.

Best wishes,

Raindance

[donnap99]

I have been away for a few days, and just saw your post.  I too have been in your shoes.  Something better is out there.  You have skills and qualities to offer - walk into an interview with the confidence that (as someone already mentioned) they have chosen you for an interview.  They may like you so much already that they just want you to walk in the door to make sure you don't have a third eyeball on your forehead!    Hey, ya gotta have faith in yourself.  Not that it's all that easy, but you have to try.  Deep breath, and move on.

Hugs,

Donna



DonnaP99

[countrigal]

To help get over your nervousness, you may check around and see if anyone in your area is offering sessions on getting jobs.  Most of these that I've seen are free and include practice interviewing, where one person is the 'employer' and one the 'interviewee' and then you switch roles.  If you can't find anything like this, get with a friend and have them ask those difficult questions.  Go into it like it was real... get gussied up, bring your portfolio, etc, whatever it takes to make it seem as real to you as possible.  This gets your nervousness up closer to what it would be in reality and helps you address all that in these practice sessions.  Go over interview question possibilities and what your answers would be, so that you have ideas in mind for these questions already and don't have to try to think on the spur of the moment.  Also write out questions that you want to ask them, which makes you in a more powerful-feeling position and can help with the nerves too.  If you don't feel that you really look the part you're wanting, get someone to help you put together an outfit for interviewing.  I have one suit that I wear, because I feel professional and powerful in it, and I know that I look the part that I want.  My husband helped me pick it out, as he's great with fashion, but a good friend that dresses smartly would be just as helpful.  And it doesn't have to be anything that costs a lot.  Hit the sales racks, put something together from your closet, or combine with what you have and only 1 or 2 other pieces to mix-and-match for any weather contingencies.  The main idea is that the more you practice, the more you do it, the more confident you'll feel and present yourself.  And practice sessions count towards that confident feeling, so make use of them.  I had interviewed several times but didn't feel the comfort level in interviewing that I have now until after I had attended a training our HR office gave.  We use Performance Based Interviewing technique in our in-house interviews, and it seems to be a standard for our area, so I decided to attend the training that taught you what it was, what it meant to you as an interviewee, and how to prepare for these interviews.  And then we had some practice sessions.  After that, I felt much more confident going into an interview.  I've also started asking what type of interview process they use (free-lance, PBI, etc) when they call to schedule the interview if it's from somewhere outside of my company, which allows me to better prepare for that specific type of interview.  (For those who say they don't know, I go prepared for the general free-lance type that we're all used to, but ensure that I have the documents and other information on hand to support me if it's PBI, and my answers can go to either.)

As the other posters said, they wouldn't be interviewing you if they weren't impressed and thought you might fit with them, so go in with that confidence and go from there.  Good luck!  And as always, if you find you need a pick-me-up, a confidence boost, or ideas on typical questions and responses, just let us know.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator