Caught in the middle

[tiffanyctd]

I have been in this job, which I LOVE, for about 6 months now. When I was hired, I decided that I would stay out of office poilitics as much as possible. I have always tried to be nice and friendly to all my coworkers. I have become good friends with a few of them, but when they start gossiping, I'm the one that changes the subject.

Well, today, I feel like I was set up. I got up to go to the rest room (which is outside our secured area), and one of my coworkers followed me (not surprising, it was about the time when everyone starts to get a little restless for a break.). She stopped at the water fountain, and I walked on towards the restroom. Well, she stopped me and asked if she could borrow my badge to get back into the office (she said that she left hers at her desk-again, not a big surprise. I've done it, myself. Our badges can't be worn easily on a dress).  Before I could say anything, she said, "Oh, never mind, I'll just wait for you." So I went on, did my business, and came back.

Before we got into the office, I asked her why she didn't just have the receptionist let her in. That's when she told me that she knew that the receptionist was her enemy because she had sprayed perfume on her plant. I asked her what proof she had that our receptionist had done it, and she said that it was the same perfume that she wears, and that she's always held a grudge because she had applied for the same job and not gotten it.

Later, this morning, I talked to the receptionist privately. I asked her point blank if she had done it. She said no, of course not. I believe her. She's been a good friend to me the past several months, and she's never given me reason to think that she would stoop to something this childish.

I want to continue to stay uninvolved in the office politics (and my position allows it-I am technically not part of the office, but my boss and I "borrow" space), and I want to try to maintain a pleasant working relationship with everyone in the office, but I want to also be loyal to my friend, who I believe is being accused unfairly because she stands by her beliefs and is not afraid to let people know it.  So the question is, "How?"

[lioness]

You weren't set up and the best thing for you to do is stay out of it. If someone says something to the receptionist, she can obviously defend herself. If you get involved, it will put you in a position of taking sides in something that doesn't concern you, which can harm the comraderie you have with everyone in the office. You can be loyal to your friend by continuing to be her friend, period.

Lioness, Queen of the Jungle

[gee4]

As I've said before do not get involved unless it relates to you.  Either dismiss the remarks or just say, "sorry it's really nothing to do with me and I'd rather not get involved - x is my friend and I prefer you wouldn't discuss her with me".

Simple.

G

[raindance]

You've been given excellent advice here, Tiffany.  

Back-biting, gossip, detraction, calumny - whatever word you wish to use to describe this ghastly behaviour - is thoroughly unpleasant.  However, it is part of human nature in a way, so the best policy is just to continue deflecting it as you are doing already.  If this person mentions this matter again you could advise her to take up her grievances with her supposed "enemy".  On the other hand, there may well be some truth in what your co-worker says - about the receptionist being jealous, but not about the perfume episode - and I wonder whether your co-worker is afraid of the receptionist.  If that is the case, then her best course of action is simply to rise above it and EXTRA specially nice to the receptionist.  Said receptionist will just have to grow up a bit.

Either way, you are doing splendidly in not having any dialogue with this matter.

Best wishes,

Raindance