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jennika
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« on: December 07, 2008, 07:43:49 am » |
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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gee4
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« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2008, 09:24:30 am » |
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Excellent, loved this.
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Katie G
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« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2008, 11:01:33 pm » |
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LOOOVE the last one!
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raindance
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« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2008, 05:02:33 pm » |
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Never mind about GETTING married. When you are married, helpful relatives keep going all dewy-eyed over the thought of babies. And when you have babies, they are horrified that there are only one or two babies or completely mystified if you have four or more.
The moral is: you can't win with relatives.
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Jackie G
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« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2008, 08:30:33 pm » |
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On weddings - somebody once asked me, long before I was, when I was getting married because she wanted to buy a new hat. I told her to go buy one anyway. Jackie, Peer Moderator www.iqps.org |
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JessW
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« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2008, 08:40:41 pm » |
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Don't forget that with relatives, it is ALL relative!
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Katie G
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« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2008, 05:22:28 pm » |
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Jackie -- a new hat is a better reason than the one I got from one relative: Apparently, I needed to have a big party so that he could "get free drinks" and "find a woman".
Klassy!
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