This was sent to me by a friend, and it's too funny to keep to myself.



Enjoy!



Elaine

***



Finally a Barbie I can relate to!  At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully.



These are a bit more realistic...



1.  Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.



2.  Hot Flash Barbie.  Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.  Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.



3.  Facial Hair Barbie.  As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow.  Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.



4.  Flabby Arms Barbie.  Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns.  Good news on the tummy front, too -- muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.



5.  Bunion Barbie.  Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet.  Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.



6.  No-More-Wrinkles Barbie.  Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.



7.  Soccer Mom Barbie.  All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.  Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.



8.  Mid-life Crisis Barbie.  It's time to ditch Ken.  Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.  They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B.  Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."



9.  Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99.  Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.



10.  Recovery Barbie.  Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl.  Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.  Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.  Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.



11.  Post-Menopausal Barbie.  This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot.  She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.  Comes with Depends and Kleenex.  As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

###



 

These posts were absolutely hilarious!



My dear, late friend Darlene's second husband was blind.  She often said how glad she was that he couldn't see her trying to put on pantyhose!





Elaine

Good one!!!



Elaine

ever since they slaughtered nearly 1,000 of their own students in Tiannammen Square.  THEY HAVE NO HUMAN RIGHTS POLICIES!



Don't kid yourself - the money you pay for goods made in China does not go to the workers.  It goes into the pockets of the people who are exploiting these workers.



In my own solitary way, I am protesting this situation by not giving them my hard-earned money.  I feel that we shouldn't have any trade with China until they adopt basic human rights policies.



Elaine

Andrea Yeats HAD gone to the doctor for PPD, and she was on medication.  Unfortunately, as we all know, meds frequently need to be adjusted before the right drug and dosage is found.



Because PPD affects women, it has not been taken very seriously as a medical problem.  Not enough research has been done, not enought public education has been done, and not very many people who have suffered from it have come forward.  One great exception is Marie Osmond, who wrote a book about her experience with PPD.  



We all need to know more about PPD before we judge Andrea Yeats.  There but for the grace of God...



Elaine

I am praying constantly for everyone in the whole wide world, and I'm thankful to God for my friends here.



From Racine Wisconsin, I am Elaine Malik CPS, tearfully signing in.

don't blame God for this - people did it, not Him.



I was taught that God is more concerned with the condition of our souls than our wordly cares.



The best we can do is stand up for justice, truth, and human rights for *all* inhabitants of this planet, in our own individual ways.



"God bless us, every one".



Elaine

and should not be tolerated.  Phrases that abusers (controllers) like to use include "it's your own fault", "you made me do that", "it's just a joke, can't you take a joke", "you're taking this all wrong".  They try to make it YOUR fault when it's not.



Dear, shy admin, read all the postings here and believe in yourself.  These things DO happen to good people.  You are a good, decent person who does not deserve to put up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.



Let us know what happens; we do care!



Elaine  

I'm right in the middle of "Elizabeth I CEO", and it's great!  The concepts that Elizabeth used to transform England from a bankrupt, low-status country to the greatest nation on earth (at that time) are now considered sound business management practices.



Very thought-provoking, plus, you get little "snapshots" of British history at the same time.



Elaine

My last typing test was about 1-1/2 years ago, and I did just over 65 wpm, with errors factored in. Not bad for a girl who failed typing in 9th grade.



I like to type, and just don't get much of these days. Everyone who says you don't need the speed as we did in the "olden" days is right - what you need most is to know your way around a computer.



(happy today because I get to wear bluejeans, got my paycheck, and am looking forward to the weekend!)



Elaine

I like to be in friendly terms with everyone at work, but I don't pal around with any of them.  Many, many years ago, one of the older guys I worked with said in passing, "I might have to work with them, but I don't have to drink with them".  To an extent, I agree with that.



However, most people do like me; so I guess I can't be all bad.



Elaine

Jesse,



I just read your post and my heart is pounding like a drum.  This is an assistant's worst nightmare!  Take Andrea's advice; she is a wonderful, experienced and level-headed woman.  Protect yourself first and foremost.  You don't deserve to be abused, screamed at and manipulated.



I haven't even read all the responses yet, but I want you to know that you have many friends here.  We're all on your side and praying for you.



Let us know what happens.



Elaine

GE's response is great as always, but change the word "predecessor" to "successor".



You're right to send a "professional" notice to your clients; you never know where you might meet them again (on the job or not).



Elaine

As an admin who has been disrespected and trashed in previous jobs, any support for our group is welcomed!  I admit that a lot of people feel pressured to do something for their admins, but they should check on how they treat us all year long.



"Professional Secretaries Day", which was begun in 1952, finally started to focus some attention on support personnel who were usually overlooked and underappreciated.  This is not a bad thing, but perhaps it has outlived its usefullness.  We all would rather have recognition (and appropriate pay) all year long.



Since it is there, our IAAP chapter is, for it's 47th year, celebrating with an educational workshop and banquet (CEUs awarded).  We do make a big deal of it, publicize it, and invite everyone in town.  It's a chance to inform people about IAAP and the ongoing training available to members, among other benefits.



We have also had "Executive's Night" to recognize our bosses LONG before Hallmark had the idea of Bosses' Day (also 47 years).  Appreciation goes both ways, after all.



So, whether you celebrate APD or not, have a great day!



Elaine

When I was an executive secretary at a large company several years ago, we had staggered lunch breaks so that there would always be someone to answer the phones (this was pre-voice mail).



Shortly after I started, one of the other secretaries came up to me and began telling me about their birthday club; who was in it, how often they went to lunch, what the spending limit on gifts was, etc.  I thought she was going to invite me to join them, but no, I was being invited to stay behind and cover the phones so they could all go off to lunch together.



Sometimes it amazes me how unfeeling other women can be.  I try to never overlook anyone when there's an event; it's not so hard to do.



Lioness, you're right to not let this affect your friendship with the mother-to-be.  It's not her fault!



Elaine